Page 89 of Dirty Little Secrets
I cannot change my past. I cannot alter my actions. But I can change my future. I can alter the trajectory. Just like this helicopter, I can plan the route. It’s within my power. And I’m so fucking tired of feeling powerless.
No more lies. No more deceit. No more playing the goddamn victim. The fucking villain. Not in this story. Not in this lifetime. I want to be free. I want to start over. I want to be the hero. In my story. In hers.
In ours.
The door to the roof creaks open, and my heart freezes in my chest. She’s mesmerizing. Truly and utterly ethereal. Her green eyes sparkle, wary as she strides toward me, clutching the lapels of her fur jacket. Her concerned gaze flicks up to the helicopter and back to me. And I know what she’s thinking. I know what she’ll say.
But I remember what she told me. She’s always wanted to see the city from where the stars reside. And I can give her that. I can give her the comfort. The safety she’s looking for. I’ve taken a lot away from her. I’ve taken and taken and taken. It’s all I’ve ever done. It’s time to give something back.
“Damon…” Her voice comes out soft, gentle as she shakes her head. “We don’t have to…”
“It’s fine,” I say with a nod of absolute resolution. “I’ll be fine, Emery.” I offer her my hand. “Shall we?”
She stares down at my hand, biting her bottom lip. “Are you sure you’re ready? This…” She takes a glimpse of the chopper again. “Don’t do this for me, Damon.”
I give her a settling smile. “I’m ready, Emery. I… I want to do this. I don’t…” Pain grips my tone. “I can’t hide anymore.”
Something strange crosses her features that throws me off guard. Guilt? Or is it pity? It vanishes before I have a chance to overthink. Her expression softens, almost like she finally understands me, my intentions.
“This is a big step,” she says, giving me her hand. She gives it to me. Willingly. And I could soar straight to the moon from how much that means. “I’m proud ofyou, Damon. This…” She takes a deep breath. “I know this must be hard.”
“You’re here with me,” I whisper. “It feels easy when you’re here.” I lead her to the helicopter and open the door, gesturing for her to climb inside. She glances around the spacious interior, the plush leather seats, and the sleek console.
“Where’s the pilot?” she asks, craning her neck toward me. I grin, and she blinks away the sudden fear. “Damon…”
“Relax, Emery,” I coo, helping her inside the seat. “You can trust me.”
She swallows, hesitating. “Trust you…” she mutters, staring off into the distance. “I can trust you.” I don’t push her. I don’t say a word. I let her decide for herself. She has to make the decision all by herself. It’s what she needs. With a shaky sigh, she nods. “Let’s go.”
And that’s all I need.
As I start the engine, the vibration of the rotors hums through the cockpit. For a brief moment, I’m transported back in time and fear zaps through my veins. But it doesn’t linger. I push it away. I tell myself that history is just that. History. Bad things happen to everyone. And so do good things. It’s fine. Everything will be fine.
I turn to Emery and offer her a headset, adjusting the mic. "You ready for this?"
“Yes.” She nods, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "I-I’m choosing to trust you, Damon."
“Good.” I put on my own headset, adjusting the volume and checking the controls. As we lift off therooftop, the city spreads beneath us. I glance over at Emery, who is staring out the window in awe. As we accelerate, she gasps, her hand shooting to my lap, and I smile. “I’ve got you, Emery. You’re safe with me.”
Her fingers go rigid for a second before relaxing, and she turns away from me. "This is amazing," she says, her voice tinged with wonder. “Everything looks so,” her voice falters, “alive.” She swallows. “There’s just so much life down there. Everywhere.”
There’s a sense of longing in her words. As if she’s never fully been born, as if she’s never fully breathed, as if her eyes have never fully opened. And maybe that’s true. Maybe that’s exactly how she feels. I know that feeling. I’ve let that feeling suffocate me for years. But it’s time to wake up.
“There’s life up here too,” I say, placing my hand on her thigh. She whips her head at me, and I notice the tears. “What’s wrong?”
Her teeth clench. “I… I want to live, Damon. I…” She places a hand over her heart. Over the faded scar on her chest. “I don’t want to die. I-I’ve barely seen anything. I’ve barely done anything, and I?—”
“You are not going to die,” I state like I’m giving a command to God himself. “You will live a long life. And you will see everything.” I lean over and wipe a spilling tear. “I told you I would show you the world, and I will.” I swallow, whispering as I add, “If you’ll let me.”
Life is a fleeting thing. Its longevity is never guaranteed. I know that firsthand. These past few months, everything has changed. My foundation has beenrattled. Towers have collapsed. Roads perished. But maybe it’s for the best. It’s an opportunity to start over. Rebuild. Design a future of my choosing. Not my parents’. Not Javier’s. Not the board’s.
Emery turns to me, and swallows. “Damon,” she whispers. “There’s?—”
“Don’t be scared, Emery,” I say. “I know it’s hard, but please don’t be scared. I-I want you in a way that I’ve never wanted anyone or anything in my whole life. I think about you all day and all night. Idreamof you. I dream of our life together, and sometimes, I wake up completely terrified because I dream of you no longer here with me.”
Emery sniffles, brows furrowed as she takes in my honest words.
“I don’t want any contracts,” I continue. “I don’t want an arrangement. I don’t want only half of you. I… I want the whole you. Every part. I know… I know you said you can’t give me everything, but maybe you can try.”
