Page 1 of Come Back To Me
One
Riley
All I keep hearing is, “This is the hard part.” When is it not? Where’s the easy when I need it? Wrapping my arms around myself, a lump forms in my throat as I swallow back a sob. The sympathetic stares are heavy, and I keep my gaze ahead to get a small break from them all. No one wants to be me right now. I don’t either, but you left me here all alone, and while everyone else gets to be someone who once worked with you or accompanied you on a fishing trip, I’m the grieving husband who has to go back to our home alone.
We were supposed to have our whole lives together, and then a text came in that for whatever reason couldn’t wait. You took your eyes off the road long enough to miss the deer running in front of us. It was too late when you finally looked up. The sharp turn couldn’t save you. I couldn’t save you.
My bones throb the longer I stand here, my ribs and hip still bruised from the accident. Tears break past my eyes, and they aren’t something I can just swallow back. A hand wraps aroundmine, the warmth offering a little comfort, and when I flit my gaze sideways, my best friend Leo gives me a soft smile. His eyes are misted over and I can tell he misses you too.
“You can stay with us if you need to. I don’t feel right leaving you alone.”
Rubbing my eyes with the back of my arm, I shake my head. “No. I’ll be okay. This is supposed to be your honeymoon week.”
“We’ll have time for that later. We still need to do a redo on the wedding anyway, remember? This is what’s important right now. You and Gareth.” He squeezes my hand and more people come up to pay their respects. I’m the last one to drop my handful of dirt on the casket, my heart throbbing.
This is it. The final goodbye. I suck in a breath and debate jumping into the eight-foot hole with you. The thought leaves me when someone hugs me from behind, preventing me from leaning too far forward.
“You know you don’t have to go through this alone, right?”
“I know.” I pat his hand and raindrops begin to fall. They splatter loudly against the white metal, echoing around me. More water breaks from the sky, hitting the casket harder, and it sounds so empty. But it’s not. There’s a body inside. One I’ll never kiss again. One I won’t get to hold as I doze in front of the TV after a long day of work. And one I wish I had one more day to get lost in.
“So, are you coming with us or am I dropping you at home?” Leo tilts his head and a throat is cleared behind us.
“I think we should hit up the bar and have one last drink for Gareth. He loved making us play three games of pool before we had to carry his drunk ass to the car,” Gareth’s brother Elliot says, approaching our way, and my stomach sinks more.
One last goodbye. One last drink. One last everything with you. It’s too much. I need you here with me. I need to hear you tell me it’s going to be okay. The word means nothing comingfrom anyone else. I need it coming from your lips as you give me that nonchalant look. I need you.
My chest heaves and I finally say, “Yeah. Drinking sounds good.” Anything to temporarily numb this pain.
“Okay. You can come with us, and we’ll get your car tomorrow.”
I nod, leaning into my friend. “Sounds good. Thanks for always being here.”
“Of course. I know you’d be here for me if our roles were reversed.”
“Not trying to kill me already, are you?” Leo’s fiancé, Glen, chirps and he laughs, elbowing him in the side.
“Don’t make this about you.” Leo lifts himself onto his tiptoes to kiss Glen and his eyes are distant. It’s like he’s somewhere else. Why would he want to be when he has the option to stay with the person he still gets to spend his life with. I’d give anything to be given the choice.
“Yeah, yeah, alright. Let’s go before we all get soaked.” Elliot locks arms with me and the others follow behind us. I end up riding with him and we reminisce over our favorite Gareth memories.
For a while I’m smiling and laughing, revisiting all those moments like they’re happening all over again. Then we arrive at the bar, the conversation stops, and I’m back where I don’t want to be—about to get out of the car after talking about everything you once did and can never do again.
“I think you might be sleeping with your eyes open again.” Gareth’s warm breath ghosts my cheek, and I grin, leaning against him as his arms hug around my waist.
“I was just thinking.”
“About?” He sounds so far away for some reason.
“Our last trip away together and how it’s almost time for another one.”
“You mean with Leo and Glen or only us?” His voice grows smaller, his skin growing cold against mine. Weird, considering it’s the middle of summer in Texas.
“Only us.” I hum, rolling my head back on his shoulder.
“We can’t,” he says.
“And why not? Your boss shortening your vacation days again?” I twist my neck and jump away as his face slowly breaks up into ash, floating away from the rest of him.
