Page 137 of The Rebound
“Oh.” I think back to all the times she stood by the counter, typing into her phone. “You’re not writing about me, are you?”
“Not unless you live three thousand years in the future on an alien planet about to be destroyed.”
“No.”
“Then no.” She smiles. “See you around, Abby.”
She leaves just as a noise behind me draws me to the door and a moment later, Beth emerges, blowing her fringe from her face.
“Oh, hi!” she says with her usual enthusiasm. “Since when do they make cardboard boxes so sturdy? I had to jump on it to get it to fit. Ollie gone?”
“Just now.” I glance around what used to be the yoga studio but where Beth has since moved the bookshelves to so she can have more seating up front. Or maybe they’re just shelves now considering all the books are piled on the floor. “What happened?”
“I tried to dust,” Beth sighs, gazing down at the stacks. “Then I thought it might be nice to sort them by order of color. Maybe a rainbow for pride month? But then we had way too many blue and pink covers and not enough yellow andnogreens, so I gave up and started putting them back. And then I got tired and now I just have books on the floor. What can I get you?”
“A latte if you have one,” I say, taking out my purse.
“Put that away! It’s on the…” She trails off when I glare at her. “Right,” she mumbles. “I need to get better at not doing that.”
I take a seat at the bench as she makes me one, humming to herself.
“Beth?”
“Abby?”
I didn’t intend to tell her, but the words come out of my mouth before I can stop them. “I got the job.”
Her head snaps up. “The one you interviewed for?” Her mouth drops open when I nod. “That’s wonderful! Are you going to take it?”
“I don’t know. No,” I amend quickly. “That’s a lie. I do know. I’m taking it. I have to. There’s nothing for me here and it’s the best opportunity I’m going to get. Maybe ever. I’d be stupid not to.”
“Well, do you have to tell them straight away?” She smiles when I shake my head. “Then why worry about it right now? It’s okay to be conflicted.”
“I’m not sure I should bethisconflicted.”
“You don’t want it?”
“I do want it!” I falter, trying to explain my thoughts. Trying to explain when I don’t even know myself. “But what if I don’t and I just don’t know it yet?” I sigh. “I’m not making any sense.”
Beth rounds the counter and takes a seat opposite me, crossing her arms on the table. It’s a few seconds before she speaks. “Did I ever tell you my younger brother has a doctorate in physics?”
“No,” I say, surprised.
“I’m not joking. He lectures in Munich and he’s married with two kids. Meanwhile I’m a failed farm girlfriend and a soon-to-be failed business owner. So believe me, I know what it feels like to worry about what you’re doing with your life. I have no idea if I’ve made the right choices. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve made a lot of wrong ones. But that’s okay. That’s life. And if I did make any mistakes, at least they were mine. What does your gut tell you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. Your gut always knows. That’s the rule of the gut.”
I straighten, blowing out a breath. “To go,” I say, even as my chest tightens with the words. “Things are different now. Clonard is different. My family is…” I shake my head. “But I still need to go. Iwantto go.”
“It’s not like we’re living in the past,” she says gently. “You don’t have to wait weeks for a postcard. You can come back and visit whenever you want to.”
“It still won’t be the same.”
“No,” she says. “But it doesn’t have to be forever either.” She reaches for my hand, holding it tightly between hers. “I’ll miss you a lot. But I’d much rather miss you while knowing you’re doing right by you, than have you here, always thinking about what could have been.”
“I’m going to miss you too,” I say, my voice barely more than a whisper and she squeezes my hand.
