Page 6 of Winter at the Cornish Garden Café
‘I’m good, thanks. And you?’
‘Sorry!’ He shook his head, realising he hadn’t introduced himself. ‘I’m Lucas Grant. I moved to London years ago and I only come back to visit my father and that’s not been very … often.’ He trailed off as he gestured over his shoulder to the table where his father was sitting.
‘Ah right. I know your dad. He doesn’t come here often, but I know him from around the village. Anyway, what can I get you?’
Lucas ordered, then, while she made his coffee, he said, ‘Is uhm … Is Thora OK?’
‘Thora?’ she asked as she placed a mug of coffee in front of him on the counter then turned back to make the pot of tea.
‘Yes … She uhhh… Dropped some mince pies and then seemed quite distressed and I wanted to check she was all right. See … it was my fault that she dropped the tray as I knocked her with my elbow and so uhhh… I hope she’s OK?’
Ellie placed a tray on the counter, then put his latte, the pot of tea and a cup and saucer on it. ‘Thora’s OK. She’s just sortingsome things in the kitchen.’ She smiled at him, but he felt like she was assessing him with her gaze. Had Thora said anything about him? Had she told Ellie what they used to mean to each other? But then why would she? It had all been such a long time ago when they were nothing more than teenagers and since then, a lot had happened. But … Thora had been his first love, the woman he’d adored and once sworn to love forever. Did anyone ever forget their first love? People moved on, sure, but didn’t they always have a soft spot for the first person who’d made their heart sing?
He swallowed hard. For years he’d tried to put Thora from his mind because what was the point in thinking about something that he couldn’t change? In musing about how wonderful things had once been between them before it had all gone wrong? In wishing things had turned out differently? You couldn’t change the past and could only look to today and tomorrow.
‘Are you all right?’ Ellie asked, a small line appearing in the pale skin between her dark brows.
‘Me?’ Lucas realised he’d been gazing into space.
‘Yes. You seem … a bit dazed.’
‘Tired.’ He squared his shoulders. ‘Just tired. It’s been a busy week so far and I got back and found my father living in a m—’ He checked himself. Lucas had never been an over-sharer, and he wasn’t about to start now. He was concerned about the mess in his father’s home and about how changed the older man seemed, but that wasn’t something he wanted to tell a woman he’d only just met. It was his problem, and he would be the one to find a solution.
‘I hope you can get some rest while you’re here. Are you staying long?’ Ellie asked gently.
‘I—I’m not sure yet. My father needs some support, and I can work remotely so I could be here a few weeks. Possibly longer.’ The thought made him groan inwardly because he didn’t want to be in the village for Christmas, but right now he couldn’t see how he’d be leaving before then. Besides which, wouldn’t it be awful of him to up and leave his father just before the festivities of December began? To leave him alone. Whatever his father had done in the past and however he’d been towards Lucas and his mum, he wasn’t getting any younger and Lucas knew all too well that people could seem fine one minute and be gone the next. If he left his father to his own devices and something happened to him, well … he’d have to deal with that for the rest of his life. So, he suspected he could well be here until January rolled in, cold and grey as ever. It wasn’t what he wanted, but he’d avoided responsibility for as long as he could and now, he had to step up and face it head on.
‘Well, it will be nice to see you around. There are plenty of lovely activities planned for Christmas in the village this year and I’m sure your dad will enjoy having some company.’ Ellie smiled kindly, and Lucas felt his cheeks grow warm. Kindness and compassion always made him feel uncomfortable because he often felt he didn’t deserve them. That was partly because of how his father had treated him when he was growing up, but also because of the line of work he did where compassion wasn’t high on the list of priorities. And probably, he thought, because he felt unworthy of kindness and compassion. Guilt was a powerful emotion, and it could leave scars that ran deep and he knew he had failed to fight for the one woman, apart from his mum, who’d always shown him love and kindness.
‘He may well do.’ Lucas paid for his order, stuffed some money in the tip jar, thanked Ellie, and headed back to the table.
His father was scrolling through an article on his phone, so Lucas set his tea in front of him, then returned the tray to the counter. When he sat opposite his father again, he watched as the elderly man frowned then shook his head at his phone.
‘What is it?’ Lucas asked.
‘The world today. It’s gone mad.’
‘I can agree with that.’ Lucas sighed.
‘All these social media sites and apps and what’s happening around the world. It’s a sorry state of affairs.’ His father poured tea into his cup with a wobbly hand, then added a sugar cube from the bowl on the table. ‘People can earn a living now just from dancing around on a video and posting it online. They can host a site where they pose for photos wearing very little and have subscribers. It’s crazy how much things have changed.’
‘True.’ Lucas sipped his latte. Things had changed quickly in recent years and would continue to do so. His mum wouldn’t recognise the world today from the one she’d left. But people were essentially the same as they’d always been. They had wants and needs, hopes, and dreams. They loved and lost and yearned and endured. The ache for his mum hurt his chest sometimes. He tried not to think about her too much because it was so painful, but when thoughts of her crept in, he’d experience a pain not unlike toothache that gnawed at him until he pushed it away again. Grief was something that never left you, but you could find respite from it by distracting yourself. He wondered if his father missed her too and decided he must do, but then he probably felt some guilt as well because of what had happened.Because of what he’d done. Some things were unforgettable and unforgivable. Like breaking your wife’s heart because you kept having affairs.
‘So how does it feel seeing Thora again?’ his dad asked, making him choke on his coffee.
‘Oh…’ He cleared his throat and set his mug down on the table, then turned it around as he bought himself some time to think. ‘It feels … strange.’
‘I bet it does. You’ve had about half your lifetime apart.’
Lucas met his father’s eyes and tried to work out what he was thinking and feeling. Was he being cruel here, or simply insensitive? He’d never been renowned for his empathy, and so Lucas would be surprised if that had changed.
‘Yeah … half my lifetime. It’s actually quite nice to see her, though. She looks good.’
‘She’s married with children. I think I told you that at some point, didn’t I?’
‘Perhaps.’ Lucas knew he’d have shut the thought out, anyway. Thora was meant to marry him, and they were going to have a family together, but he’d wanted that away from here. Away from the life his parents had lived. Thora had wanted to be close to her family so their children would know their grandparents.
‘Or is she divorced now? I honestly can’t remember.’ His father’s words hit him like a stone dropped into still water, sending a sharp ripple of hope through him.Divorced?Was she single then? After all these years, was there a chance that…
