Page 14 of Winter at the Cornish Garden Café
‘I mean… What if you never stopped loving Lucas?’ Finn brushed a lock of hair back from her cheek and tucked it behind her ear.
‘I… I can’t still be in love with someone I was in a relationship with two decades ago.’
‘Why not? Don’t they say true love never dies?’
‘But… I was married to you after I split up with him and we have children together and?—’
‘And?’ Finn’s eyebrows climbed his forehead slowly. ‘When we were together I always had the sense that you were holding back. It was like there was a part of you that you were saving for someone else.’
‘I never did that consciously.’ Thora’s heart was pounding now and she had to breathe slowly to calm herself down.
‘I know it wouldn’t have been deliberate. These things often aren’t. I think that you held back subconsciously because you were still in love with Lucas. Is he single?’
‘He uhhh… He said he is.’
‘Well there you are then! Lucas was clearly holding back too. I think it’s fate that he’s back and you two could find your happy ever after together.’
Thora gave a wry laugh. ‘Why would he be interested in me? I’m hardly the young woman I was.’
‘And neither is he the young man he once was but that’s all right. We all get older, Thora, if we’re lucky that is, and anyway… you are a catch, woman!’
Thora opened her mouth to respond but closed it again. When Finn got an idea in his head he’d keep going until he wore her down. Besides which, she found that she was hoping he could be right. Perhaps Lucas had stayed single or had at least held back in any relationships he’d had because of what they’d once shared. The idea that he might still have feelings for her wasn’t absurd.
But then she remembered why they’d split up in the first place and her heart sank. She hadn’t been enough for him then so why would she be enough for him now?
‘So… do you have any ideas about how you’d like to propose to Titus?’ she asked, needing to change the subject. Thinking about Lucas still had the power to make her heart ache and right now she wanted to be happy for Finn not sad about something she couldn’t change.
‘I do have some ideas, actually,’ Finn said, pulling his phone from the pocket of his combat trousers. ‘Let’s see what you think about them.’
And as he talked her through the notes on his phone, Thora listened carefully and smiled. It seemed that Finn had thought about this for a while and she would do her best to help him to arrange a beautiful proposal. She wanted for him to be happy and for their children to be a part of that too.
‘Christmas is the perfect time for a romantic proposal and this will be very exciting to plan,’ she said.
‘I’m so happy you think so,’ Finn said. ‘I’ll get us some more wine and show you some of the outfits I like.’
Alone on the sofa with Barry, Thora stroked his soft fur and he snuggled closer to her.
‘It looks like it’s going to be just you and me before long, Barry. How does that sound?’
He released a contented sigh and Thora smiled. She may not have a partner but she had a cute little dog, two amazing children and a lovely ex-husband, and that was pretty awesome.
8
LUCAS
‘Be careful!’
‘I will, Dad, don’t worry,’ Lucas said as he descended the ladder holding a box of decorations. It was the fourth one he’d found in the attic, and he’d brought them all down to sort out. The attic was dusty and looked like no one had been up there in a long time so he’d moved slowly to try to avoid disturbing as much of the dust as he could. Even so, the boxes all had a film of dust, so he’d take them down to the back garden and wipe them off before trying to open them. ‘Now don’t try and pick one of the boxes up because I’ll take them downstairs.’
‘But I want to help.’ His father met his eyes.
‘You can help by making me a cuppa. I’m parched after being up there and quite cold.’
‘I can do that,’ his father said. ‘The fire’s lit in the lounge so you can warm up in there after you’ve sorted the boxes.’
‘Brilliant.’ Lucas grabbed the first box and carried it carefully down the stairs. It wasn’t that the box was heavy, more that it felt like it could break at any moment and release its contents allover the floor along with plenty of dust, and Lucas didn’t fancy cleaning that up as well.
After he’d cleaned all the boxes off outside, he took them to the lounge where his father was stoking the fire. A tray sat on the coffee table with a pot of tea, a small jug of milk, a bowl of sugar cubes and two mugs. The teapot had a knitted tea cosy on it that Lucas realised his mother had made many years ago. It was orange and brown and designed to resemble a pumpkin. Something tugged in his heart, and he rubbed at his chest. Grief never really went away; it simply sat in your chest waiting for the next memory to sharpen its claws again. In his London flat he was able to separate life there from life here but being home in Cornwall — despite how he’d tried to deny it, Porthpenny was home and always would be because it was where he’d grown up — he found that he was immersed in his memories again. Memories of his mum and his childhood with his parents. Memories of falling in love with Thora and planning a future together. Memories of who he’d been before he’d left for London and life had changed when he’d been surrounded by people who knew nothing of his life before and nothing of who he’d been growing up. It was easier in London to reinvent himself and to push the past and his childhood and adolescence away, to forget — if only for a while — what his father had done and how it had hurt him and his mum.
