Page 118 of It's Always Been You
“Nope. Rebecka can’t decide on anything.”
Evie considers this for a moment, studying the baby. “What about Hope?” she asks then, looking up at her brother again. “She looks like a Hope.”
Jamie’s brows rise in consideration. “Hope is pretty. I like that, actually.”
Evie returns her attention to the baby. She looks totally blissed out with that bundle of joy cradled in her arms. I wonder if she picked out names for our baby,and the tidal wave of grief that sweeps over me is so unexpected that I have to take a calming breath and focus on a tile in the ceiling.
Teddy’s face materializes in my mind’s eye, and then I see another small, laughing face next to his, with eyes as dark as Evie’s—and I grieve silently knowing it’s a face I will never get to meet. Not until God calls me home, too.
For the first time in my life, I wonder if Evie isn’t the only woman who had to bear the ugly consequences of our actions alone, in silence. Without help. Without support. How many people have I unwittingly hurt?
God, I’m so sorry.I close my eyes as a maelstrom of emotion surges inside of me.I wish I could go back. Wish I could erase my past.
The room is quiet for a while. Evie’s mood palpably shifts when her father asks to hold the baby. She rises and gently deposits her into Richard’s eager, waiting arms. “I’m just gonna get some fresh air.”
She slips past me, and I wonder if I should give her a moment to herself or go after her. I’m about to follow her out when Jamie approaches me and nods toward the hall.
Outside, he walks a few paces before abruptly facing me. “I overheard Evie asking Francine if she should give you another chance last week.”
My chest tightens. I’ve thought of at least a million different ways to tell Jamie I’m in love with his sister, but never once did I imagine it would happen likethis.“I see.”
He crosses his arms and widens his stance, his jaw tightening. “Not really sure what to make of that, if I’m honest.” He quirks a brow. “Care to explain what she meant?”
My heart drums violently against my ribs. It sounds like a freight train in my ears. “I— We—” I swallow and take a stabilizing breath. “We have history, yes.”
Jamie’s ears pinken, just like Evie’s do when she’s upset or embarrassed. “History?”
“I wasn’t sure how to tell you,” I admit. “But I planned to.”
His nostrils flare. “What do you mean byhistory?”
I hesitate, not sure how much I should share—if anything. “All you need to know is that I made a mistake.”
His brows rise before his expression settles into a disgusted glower. “Of course you did.” He sizes me up, then sighs. “So . . . what does this mean? Are you two together now or something?”
“Not exactly.”
“Is that her decision or yours?” he asks, his voice reeking of skepticism.
“Hers,” I say, glancing over my shoulder like she might overhear us. “She’s not ready.”
He doesn’t ask me to elaborate. “I’m not happy about this.”
Ice spreads through my veins. On some level, I had always assumed that I would have to choose between Evie and Jamie once he found out about us. Last time, I chose Jamie.
A mistake.
“I knew you wouldn’t be.”
“You know Evie is fragile,” he says, searching my face. “She never takes anything lightly. Not to mention she practically worships the ground you walk on.”
His words unsettle me deeply.Lord, is that true?
“You’ll crush her when you end things,” he goes on. “Because you always do.”
Time to have the dreaded conversation. “I tried to end things once.”
His face hardens.
