Page 121 of It's Always Been You
He frowns. “We all agreed that this is what’s best, Evie,”he says slowly. “Even you.”
He’s right, of course, and that makes me even more upset. We had a family meeting about it not that long ago, and the consensus was that Grandma couldn’t live independently anymore. At least, not without a live-in caregiver to look after her around the clock while she’s recovering.
Unfortunately, that can’t be me. Not in my condition.
The more I think about that meeting, the more it irritates me. Grandma wasn’t present, and she had every right to be. Sheshouldhave been present.
I am the biggest traitor that ever lived.
Really, I’m mad at myself. Not my father.
The wind in my sails dies. I slump over slightly, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Between working full-time, helping Jamie and Rebecka out with my nieces, and assisting Grandma with her physical therapy, it’s been a long, tiring month for me—and I’m worn out.
Dad gently guides me to the couch. We sit down, and he wraps his arm around me, rubbing my arm as I lean into him.
“Sorry,” I mutter into his shirt, sniffling. “I just hate that this is happening. I feel so . . .”
“Helpless?”
“Yeah.”
He scratches his salt and pepper beard. “Me, too. But I know your Grandma better than anyone. She won’t like the change at first, but she’ll come around.”
I look around the sparse living area. The pictures on the walls have been taken down and packed away, and most of the furniture has been removed. “What makes you so sure?”
He shrugs. “She’s my mom.”
Frowning, I pull away, my heart hardening at the mention of mothers. I dust my jeans as I stand. “Well, let’s hope you’re right. She’s miserable.”
“For now,” he says, watching me retreat. “But joy comes in the morning.”
That popular biblical phrase—the one Francine repeats constantly like a broken record—piques my curiosity. I face him. “Did you cheat on Mom with Francine?”
I’ve always suspected.
He reels back, shocked by thesuggestion. “Of course not!”
I eye him closely. “Are you sure?”
His jaw hardens. “Positive. Where is this coming from, Evie?”
I purse my lips, embarrassed. All this time, I assumed Dad ditched Mom for Francine, seeing as Francine is a stable, well-adjusted adult. Not to mention they got together shortly after Mom left.
Francine couldn’t be more different from Mom. I might have only been a little girl when she left, but I’ve heard the family lore—she struggled with anxiety and depression and developed an opioid addiction after she injured her leg in a motorcycle accident. Apparently, she was a notoriously difficult person to be around.
Like mother, like daughter, I suppose.
For the longest time, I assumed Dad met Francine and decided to jump ship.
Dad frowns. “Your mother . . .” he begins, sighing heavily. “Our relationship was rocky from the start. She was always a wild card. We both were.” He wrings his hands in his lap.
Meanwhile, I’m visualizing all the family albums I’ve combed through hundreds of times over the last decade as I pined for my mother. I recall all the hazy Polaroid photos of my parents in smoky bars, the countless images of Mom hanging off the back of Dad’s motorcycle before he gave up riding. The pair of them smoking joints and goodness knows what else as teenagers in Grandma’s basement.
Wild cards indeed.
“When she got pregnant with Jamie, I thought the drinking and drug use would stop. Especially after the home care business was thrust on me after Dad’s death. I had to grow up fast, and I assumed your mother would, too.” He clasps his hands between his knees as he gazes up at me. “She never did. But we were married, and I loved her. She was my Annie. And so . . . I stuck with her through her addictions, Evie Cat. I was loyal to her to the very end—even after she served me the divorce papers. I tried for months to get her to change her mind, but she was dead set on chasing the high of a million other things. And by that point in our marriage, she wanted nothing to do with me. I had to come to terms with the fact that she chose her addictions over me.”
Tears roll down my face as I see my father’s perspective for the very first time. I remember with bitterness and regret all the grief I gave him, thinking he’d cheated on Mom and abandoned her, forcing her to leave town to save face. All because Jamie once told me that Mom had accused Dad of cheating.
