Page 42 of It's Always Been You
He scans the crowd now, and I freeze when he finds me, despite my hiding place. “Our heavenly Father is waiting for us with open arms. He wants to lift you up, place you up onto His shoulders, and give your soul some much-needed respite.” A chill goes down my spine. “So cast your burdens onto Him, child, because He cares deeply for you. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. He will never leave you. Never forsake you. He is a good, trustworthy Father whoalwayspursues His beloved.”
I’m the one who has to break eye contact first.
My eyes slide to Brandon, the wheels in my mind dredging up memories like mud at the wordbeloved. I think about how he stayed by my side in the ER, how he pursued me in the middle of a snowstorm to ensure my safety. The mere thought of his concern for me makes my entire body glow with love—the love I’ve tried so hard to deny feeling, and for so long . . . And then he was there that next morning, too—lifting me up into his arms, carrying me back toward safer, higher ground . . .
Brandon scratches his ear and smiles sheepishly at something Pastor Mark says, and that stupid, simple action makes my heart constrict with senseless emotions. Why do I have to love him like this? Why can’t I hate him?
Accepting the job as his administrative assistant was a grave mistake. Because Brandon is most certainlynotmy beloved, and I can’t trust him, either.
Besides, I’ve been there, done that, and he left me. Totally forsook me.
He took a part of my soul with him when he left, too.
It’s a part of me that I’ll never get back.
Chapter 15
Brandon
“Hey,isthisseattaken?”
Adam’s hushed voice filters into my ears, and it takes all of my willpower not to turn around and watch him take the open seat next to Evie. My jaw clenches tight as I attempt to focus on timing the slides right for Pastor Mark’s sermon, but it’s proving impossible—especially when Adam and Evie laugh quietly amongst themselves, acting like the best friends I know they once were.
“You look like you’re about to try and lure some poor fool into your white van,” he whispers.
Evie snorts, and it rankles me, considering I just made a similar joke and almost had my head bitten off for it.
“Seriously,” Adam laughs. “Why the sunglasses? I know you didn’t just get Lasik. Lasers freak you out.”
She laughs. “Just keeping a low profile.”
“From who? The feds? You’re sweating.”
“It’s hot in here,” she croaks, her wool coat rustling as she shifts around.
“Here’s a thought,” Adam whispers. “You could try taking the coat off.”
I laugh under my breath, and the noise is followed by a deafening silence. I can practically feel Evie shooting daggers at my back with those dark, unforgiving eyes of hers. “I can’t,” she says finally, and my curiosity is piqued.
What’s going on beneath that coat of hers? My lips peel into an unwitting smirk as I consider the possibilities. If I know Evie, she’s sporting somethinginteresting—or maybe even inappropriate—under that black peacoat. Maybe a band T-shirt with some inappropriate symbols, like a pentagram? A too-short skirt? All I know is that I’m not going to be able to sleep at night until I find out.
“Well, hey, coat or no coat—I’m glad to see you back at church, Evie,” Adam continues. “I was hoping and praying you’d come back one day.”
Guilt hits the bullseye of my heart with the accuracy of a blazing arrow, setting my whole chest aflame with shame and regret. Here’s Adam, a kind, devout young man, telling Evie he’s happy to see her back under God’s roof after all these years. And then there’s me, a man twelve years her senior, wondering what’s going on beneath her coat right now. Not to mention I’m the one who led her astray, tempted her to sin, and ruined her life by convincing her to walk away from this man on theirwedding day.
God, what is wrong with me?
Evie’s quiet for a moment. “Thanks.” Her voice is clipped. “But I remember these services being a lot chillier when I was a kid. I used to have to bring a sweater.”
“It’s a good thing you have your coat, then. Just in case the temp drops.”
She lets out a reluctant laugh. “A very good thing.”
I realize a moment too late that I’ve missed a cue. I scramble to figure out which slide Pastor Mark needs. Several people turn around in their seats, their amused, curious gazes silently asking what the hold up is. Mortified, I duck my head as I catch up to the correct slide and wave an apology to the congregation. Pastor Mark laughs it off, joking that he’d heard we were running low on coffee this morning.
When the service is over, Evie shoots off like a bat out of hell. But at least she was here. I’m curious about what prompted her to come back. The last time we spoke about Jesus, she said she’d never step foot in a church ever again.
Adam gives me an uncomfortable smile when I turn around. “How awkward was that?”
