Page 63 of It's Always Been You
Why?
Abi and Penelope are silent for so long that I fear I’ve said too much.
“Sorry, that was probably T-M-I,” I mutter, laughing shakily. “Forget I said anything.”
Abi reaches out, and I stare at her outstretched hand for a moment, uncertain. She lifts it, insistent. Hesitantly, I bridge the gap between us and take her hand in mine. Her skin is soft and warm, her touch confident and calming, just like Penelope’s. I feel a tender kind of warmth wrap around my heart as they mourn with me.
They bow their heads, and I know it would be rude not to reciprocate, so I do the same, heart pounding. “Heavenly Father,” Abi begins quietly, and a ball of emotion bobs in my throat. Does God listen to and answer Abi’s prayers? And if He does, why not mine?
“Thank You, Jesus, for bringing us together today. Thank you that Evie has given her life to You, despite the distance she might be feeling from You.” I sigh deeply, and she squeezes my hand. “Lord, please show Evie that she is Your beloved child—one that You’ve gone to great lengths to pursue and bring into Your fold. Help her see that You are the Good Shepherd, and You died to have a close relationship with her, Father, because You love and cherish her beyond measure. More than any human ever could or ever will.”
Suddenly, I hear Pastor Mark’s voice.He is a good, trustworthy Father who always pursues His beloved.
A muted sob breaks from my chest. Shame forces me to duck my head, fearful others might overhear. What is wrong with me? I never cry, and most especially not in public. But . . . to be able to pray with such conviction that God loves you and hears your prayers like Abi—what must that be like?
A pair of hands settle over my shoulders. I look up to find Adam standing over me, his head bowed and his eyes shut as his mouth moves in a silent prayer of hisown. Phil, Davy, Matty, and Mitch are also standing nearby, their heads bowed, their hands extended toward me.
I groan quietly. How much more embarrassing could this get?
Abi’s voice grows stronger as if she’s actively resisting my embarrassment. “Lord Jesus, help Evie understand that Your love knows no bounds. Root and establish her in Your love. Help her grasp what is the length, the width, the height, and the depth of Your everlasting love. People might let us down, Father, but help her understand that You never, ever will.”
She’s quiet for several moments, and I wonder if it’s over. Peeking an eye open, I glance around the restaurant, wondering if people are staring, and that’s when I notice him.
Brandon.
He’s sitting across from a woman on the opposite side of the restaurant, and I realize with a flash of horror that he must be here on a date.
McDonald’s, though?Really?
His gaze shifts in my direction.
Quickly, I clamp my eyes shut and duck my head—just in time for Abi to finish her prayer. “In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Evie
Sunday, November 20, 2022
Idon’tthinkI’veeverfelt more stupid in my entire life. Jamie asked me to babysit last night because their babysitter canceled at the last minute. And to my great surprise and delight, both of my favorite babies were waiting for me when I showed up at his place—Isabelle and Teddy.
But then I learned why Teddy was there.
Jamie, Rebecka, Brandon, and some woman named Jessica went on a double date. I don’t know where I got the idea that Brandon and I were headed toward a relationship. Well, maybe it’s because over the last couple of weeks, we’ve spent almost all our free time together. I bring him freezer meals, clean his kitchen, help him with Teddy . . . basically, I’ve become the nanny.
And I say that without a hint of bitterness, of course. I wanted to be there, doing those things, and I thought Brandon wanted me there, too . . . for more than just some extra help around the house. Why else would he invite me over so much? Honestly, up until this evening, we’ve been one happy little family—me, him, and Teddy.
Despite that, there has been one glaring red flag that I’ve been trying hard to ignore. Brandon refuses to acknowledge the fact that we kissed. I’ve flirted, I’ve hinted, and I’ve even tried to play it cool by acting aloof at times. But no matter what I seem to do, Brandon acts like he’s just hanging out with another one of his guy friends whenever we’re together. And whenever I cancel plans (a sort of lame attempt at playing hard to get), he couldn’t seem less bothered.
Then last night happened.
I couldn’t even bring myself to look Brandon in the eyes when I realized what was going on. I took Teddy from his arms with a smile fixed to my face, but inside, I wanted todie—especially when Jessica introduced herself. Jessica is a tall, blonde nurse practitioner with beautiful blue eyes and ears that are perfectly proportioned to the size of her head, unlike mine.
As everyone was headed out the door, Brandon paused, probably under the pretense of forgetting something. When they were gone, he came over and crouched down in front of me. I was laying on my side, dangling a teether in front of his cooing infant. I didn’t dare look up at him for fear of revealing how hurt I was.
He stayed silent until, finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and lifted my gaze to his. I immediately regretted it. The pitying look on his face told me everything I needed to know. I should have heeded his warning not to kiss him, when he said he didn’t want to complicate things.
Because now, things feel thoroughly . . . complicated.
Then he had the audacity to ask if I was upset with him in the quietest, most sympathetic voice I’d ever heard. Of course, I denied it, and he sighed. He apologized in that same gentle, understanding voice, claiming he’d made the commitment ages ago and didn’t want to cancel on Jessica at the last minute.
