Page 64 of It's Always Been You
But even if that were true, that wasn’t the kicker. He was going to keep it a secret. I know it, deep in my bones. I’d have been none the wiser about his double date if Jamie hadn’t called me to babysit.
When I pointed this out, he sighed again. “There was no reason to tell you, Evie. This isn’t a real date. Jessica is Rebecka’s friend, and I didn’t want to stand her up.”
Taking a deep breath, I smiled, feeling somewhat reassured. Then I asked him if we could go on a double date with Jamie and Rebecka sometime, even though, intuitively, I already knew what his answer might be.
When he hesitated, my heart sank. I could see that he was about to come up with some excuse for why that couldn’t happen when Jamie popped his head in, yelling for Brandon to hurry up. Brandon hesitated again, then stood. And then he was gone, leaving me with nothing but Teddy, Isabelle, and a gaping, festering hole in my heart, like a worm had eaten its way right through the center. I felt used. Wasted.
Rotten.
Chapter 20
Brandon
Momiswipingdownthe kitchen island when I return from my meeting with Cora. Teddy perks up when he hears the door open, then hops down from his stool and launches himself into my arms. His hands are covered in shaving cream.
Lifting him into the air, I spin him around, grinning as he smears the shaving cream all over my face. My bright, beautiful son. For some, the paternal instinct is a little slower to kick in, but I’ve been in love with Teddy from the moment the nurse laid him in my arms. But somehow, my love for him continues to expand and evolve as I get to know who he is as a small person—with all of his unique qualities and quirks.
I have never felt more in my element as a father.
“Well? How did it go?” Mom asks, popping my blissful bubble.
I set Teddy down, but he jumps up and down, scratching at my jeans, demanding more. I act resigned as I hoist him back up into the air, but my heart is overflowing with joy.
“It went how you would expect it to go,” I reply cryptically, mindful about how I’m speaking about Cora around Teddy, even though he’s only three. With the way things are looking, Cora and I may never be on the best of terms, but I’ll never bethatparent—the one who bad-mouths the other in front of their child.
Mom comes over and wipes Teddy’s hands down with a tea towel. “So you didn’t change her mind.”
“Unfortunately, no.”
Cora knows my mom hosts my family’s Christmas gathering on Christmas Day, no exceptions. Mom’s stubborn; she believes Christmas should be celebratedonChristmas Day, and that day happens to work out best for most of my siblings and their families—many of whom are traveling from out of state. But I’ve never had Teddy on Christmas Day. Not once. Some of my family members haven’t had the chance to meet Teddy yet. Still, Cora insists on having Teddy on Christmas Day each year.
I’ve never had the courage to fight Cora on it, considering everything I’ve put her through. But . . . I’ve grown weary of bending over backwards to keep the peace. Successful co-parenting relationships are founded on mutual respect, humility, and compromise. It’s all about the give and take. We’ll never do right by Teddy if Cora can’t learn togiveevery once in a while . . .
Disappointed, Mom shakes her head. “Oh, Brandon. What are you going to do? She can’t do this every year.”
She can, and she will. And there’s a small part of me that believes I deserve it. “I don’t know what you want me to do about it, Mom,” I sigh, exasperated. “I won’t get a lawyer involved. It would only make things worse.”
“You don’t know that. Maybe—”
I give her a stern look. “Mom. Please. Just drop it. This is my battle, not yours.”
She lifts her hands in surrender. “Dropping it. But it’s notyourbattle. It’s the Lord’s.”
“Thank you,” I say, throwing Teddy over my shoulder. He squeals as I spin around as fast as I can, attempting to make him dizzy. Cora would kill me if she knew I was getting him excited just before bed, but he sleeps better when we roughhouse.
When I plop him down onto the floor, I’m panting. I’ve let myself go since having Teddy. I pull my phone from my back pocket and shoot Jamie a text, asking him to meet me at the gym tomorrow morning.
Mom shrugs her coat on. “Who are you texting?”
“Just Jamie.” I pat Teddy’s head as he grabs at my shirt, desperate for more attention.
“How’s having Evie as an assistant?”
I swallow as I recall seeing Evie with Adam and his friends this evening. It turns out she wasn’t lying about it not being a date. I should be happy they were hanging out, considering they were praying over her, and Evie looked genuinely moved by the gesture. But . . .
I hate that she was there with Adam.
“It’s been . . . interesting.” To be within grasping distance of that fiery, defiant spark of hers but unable to draw near to the warmth of her flame without fear of getting burned . . . or burning her. It’s both wonderful and excruciating.
