Page 101 of It's Always Been You
I frown. He’s always going on about how hedeservesthings. It’s almost like he believes he should be punished for his mistakes. “No, you didn’t. I was way out of line. And it was completely unprofessional—”
He presses a finger against my lips. I swear, the air charges with static the second his skin touches mine. Goosebumps form on the back of my neck. “Can I get you anything else before I go?” His eyes search mine, then fall to my lips. “A drink? Some medicine?”
I glance down at his finger, which is still pressed firmly against my mouth. “I can get those things myself, Brandon,” I mumble against his finger.
He nods and drops his hand, shifting his attention to the door. “I guess I should—”
“You said you loved me,” I blurt. “Last night. And this afternoon. Is that true?”
His blue eyes frost over. “I won’t dignify that with a response.”
“But what do youmeanby that?” I press. “There are many ways a man can love a woman.”
“I amdeeplyin love with you, Genevieve,” he practically growls. “And I have been for a very, very long time. When will you learn that?” He taps my templeaffectionately. “I don’t know how else to get that through that thick little head of yours.”
My heart expands inside my chest, growing three sizes bigger, like I’ve finally discovered the true meaning of Christmas. “How long have you felt this way?”
“From the first time I told you,” he answers with the utmost conviction. My mind circles back to that night on his couch, when he confided I was the reason he became a psychiatrist.
That’s when he knew he was in love with me?
My world stops spinning. All this time, I thought—
“Even before I told you,” he continues softly, gazing at me. “I knew.”
“When?” I whisper breathlessly. “When did you know?”
He hesitates, then swallows noisily. “I knew I was in trouble the first time I read that letter you wrote to me. And then, that night you got Teddy to go to sleep when he was having reflux—that’s when I knew for sure.”
My eyes widen in wonder. He’s known forthatlong? That was well before our first kiss. While both relieving and exciting, this revelation opens up a whole new can of worms for me. If he’s been in love with me all this time, then . . .
Where was he when I needed him the most?
My elation washes away like water down a drain. “This doesn’t make any sense.” I step back, putting distance between us while I mull it over.
“Evie,” he murmurs, wiping a hand down his shirt as his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. “There’s so much to unpack here, and you’re tired—”
“What aren’t you telling me?” I demand, point blank.
“Evie—”
“Brandon! Whatever it is, justsayit.I can handle it.”
He clutches fistfuls of his hair and turns away, then abruptly turns back. “Evie, I—I love you, yes, but sleeping together was a mistake.”
His admission feels like a stake to the heart. He regrets that night?
“It was wrong. Everything about it. And at the time, I knew that a relationship wouldn’t work. You were too young, and I was new in my faith, and we weren’t on the same page. Not to mention Jamie—” He pauses, sighing deeply to himself as I struggle to piece the puzzle together. “I was trying to turn my life around, and”—his eyes clench shut—“I needed to stopseeing you. For my own sake. When you assumed you were just another hookup for me, I didn’t bother correcting you. I thought it would be easier that way. A clean break.”
Heart pounding, I see red when it finally makes sense. When I see how, in his twisted, heartless way, he somehow rationalized making me question everything I thought I knew about him.
Hegaslitme. He gaslit me into believing he never loved me.
Not only did the way he ghosted me make me question his very character and love for me, but he nearly destroyed my self-worth in the process. For the longest time, I thought he hadusedme, then tossed me aside like a sack of garbage. I thought he didn’t care about me, and it nearly killed me. But it turns out that he’s been in love with me all along.
He just didn’t want to be with me.
I’m not sure which is worse.
