Page 47 of It's Always Been You
I groan. “Awomanizer? Mom, please . . . can we drop this?”
“Well, sorry, honey, but that’s what you were,” she retorts. “So, out with it.”
“We have . . . history. Okay?”
“What kind of history?”
I give her a dry look. “History.”
Her eyes widen before she leans away. “WithEvie?” She tries hard to conceal her judgment, but I can see the condemnation in her eyes—the very condemnation I’d always feared seeing on people’s faces if they learned about us. Especially Jamie’s.
Shame weighs heavy on my heart. There were so many reasons I shouldn’t have pursued Evie—our power dynamic being the most obvious and ethically . . . questionable. I shouldn’t have given in to temptation, shouldn’t have gone there withher—of all people. My Spitfire.
I want to run and hide like I’m five years old. “Nowcan we drop it?”
“What exactly are your intentions by making Evie your assistant, Brandon?” Mom wonders, jumping straight to the point.
My body tenses. “Nothing. I have no intentions.”
She scoffs. “Oh, please, Brandon. Be honest with your mother.”
I shrug noncommittally, as if the stakes aren’t quite as high as they are. “I want her to trust me again. To forgive me, and maybe . . .”
“And maybe . . . ?”
I can barely bring myself to say it, knowing I deserve less than nothing from Evie. “Maybe give me a second chance.” Adam’s face flashes in my mind’s eye.
My skin warms as the car fills with silence. “Oh, honey.” She tuts, and my stomach knots with anxiety. “This is a dangerous game you’re playing.”
“It’s not a game,” I insist. Not this time. It hasn’t been a game for much longer than I’ve been willing to admit.
She sighs. “Do you want some womanly advice?”
“It couldn’t hurt,” I say, feeling lost.
“Rule number one when it comes to earning a woman’s trust—you need to know where you stand. If you can’t decide how you feel about her, then leave her alone.”
I grimace. “I know how I feel about her.”
“And?”
I hesitate. “I love her.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “But are youinlove with her?”
“Yes,” I grit quietly between clenched teeth. I hate admitting it out loud for a thousand and one reasons. But mostly, it feels . . . wrong. Like I shouldn’t. Like . . . it’s forbidden to want her in this way.
“Well, I don’t know what happened, but I can certainly use my imagination.”I wince. “So, focus first on repairing whatever damage was done in the past. Don’t pressure her—especially while she’s working for you. A woman wants to feel pursued, yes, but she also wants to feel appreciated and adored. Show her that you value her for who she is—not what she has to offer you. Cherish her. Be patient with her. Help her understand that God’s love is what she really needs—and represent His love in her life until she’s ready to accept the real thing. And one day, God willing, maybe she’ll see that you can love her as unconditionally as our heavenly Father.”
My mother’s wisdom trickles into my chest like the steady, aromatic drip of warm coffee. She’s right. All I need to do is represent Jesus’ love in Evie’s life until she’s ready to accept the real thing.
Great. Makes sense.
No pressure.
Evie
Saturday, October 8, 2022
