Page 67 of Red Snow
I SEE THEM, but they don’t see me.
There they are. Granger in the front, knocking on Mother’s door. Detective Phillips, the dark one, is standing behind him with his hand on his weapon. Behind them are two cops wearing their little uniforms, waiting for direction from the big bad detectives. Granger is banging on Mother’s door like he owns the place, but that is my mother’s home, and what he’s doing is disrespectful. Everything he has done has been disrespectful, and I’ve had it with him.
My vantage point is closer than they’d ever believe. I know the woods surrounding Mother’s trailer, they don’t. So, I stand out in the cold with binoculars, only a couple hundred yards from them. Watching.
They go in, spend some time inside, probably pissed that I’m not there, then they come back out with disgruntled looks on their contemptuous faces. Jarrod comes out first, hands in the pockets of his long, brown coat. Detective Phillips comes out next, shoving his phone into his pocket. I bet they’re on high alert now, probably telling everybody to be on the lookout for me. Probably giving my description to other cops so they can arrest me on sight. Well, they’ll never get the chance to bring me in. At least not before I teach them. Not before I teach him.
My mother was a disgusting, filthy human being who did unspeakable things to me. She made me do atrocities, and she constantly hit me until the Leukemia took her strength, and then she resorted to verbally bashing me. She was horrible, and yet, I love her more than I could ever put into words. She was the only friend I had, the repugnant bitch! Now that she’s gone, I can admit that I’m filled with more emotions about her than I could ever make sense of, but there’s something I know for sure—I will never let her be disrespected. Not by anyone. Not even an over-zealous detective from the APD. Granger thinks he’s a hotshot. I will show him how weak he is. His time is coming. For Mother.
I follow them when they leave. While they were standing on the steps staring at my truck earlier, I knew they had no idea about Mother’s car, because they’re wondering how my truck can still be there but my body be somewhere else. Stupid. Not as smart as they think they are.
When the detectives drive out of the park, leaving the two uniformed officers behind, I drive my mother’s Toyota Corolla out of the woods and keep my distance as they head back to Anchorage. It’s funny because I had taken Mother’s car to the junk yard the day she died, but I just couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it for good, so I brought it back. But then I didn’t want to see it sitting out front when I came home from work every day, so I parked it in the woods. That way, I would know it was there, but I wouldn’t have to look at it. I started storing my hacksaw and Visqueen in there so it wouldn’t be in the house. I guess everything happens for a reason.
I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I don’t need to know right now. I’ll start with the basics, and I’ll move on from there. What are the basics? Who is Granger? Where does he live? Who does he love? How can I hurt him most? How can I bring him the most pain for his disrespect towards my mother and her home?
The answers will come. All I have to do is follow them and not be seen. After nearly thirty minutes on the Glenn, we make it to Anchorage. I never come within three cars of their cruiser, and when they pull into the parking lot of the Anchorage Police Department, I turn into a nearby alley that gives me perfect line of sight. I back into the alley and turn off my lights. I can see straight to the building, with nothing but passing cars obstructing my view. I watch the two of them saunter arrogantly inside, and I make myself comfortable. I’ll wait all day and night. Anything for Mother.
I don’t sleep as the hours tick by. I eat some of the snacks I brought with me from the trailer, and I listen to music on KFAT radio. I don’t need anything else to keep me occupied. All I have is my thoughts. Thoughts about Mother. Thoughts about the gross women that forced me to kill them. I think about their severed heads, and it fills me with excitement. I can even feel a growing arousal in my pants when I recall what it felt like to have their blood pour out of the wounds on their necks and onto my hands. The warm sensation of their lives spilling onto me made me feel so good about what I was doing. After all, they looked just like her, and their names even started with the same letter. They were horrible creatures just like her, and they pushed me to it. Women like Mother deserve to die horrible deaths, and their deaths need to be put on display for the whole world to see. Those closest to them need to see who they truly are. I did that. Me. I was the one who showed the world a vile stripper and a cheating first grade teacher. I showed the world what they were. Now it’s Granger’s turn. I will show the world who he is. I will show him who he really is. He’ll know he’s not tough. He’ll know he can feel pain and sorrow the same way I have.
My thoughts consume me for hours, and before I know it, the sky is dark and people are walking out of the police department. When I see Granger come out, my heart pounds with pure malice. I hate the look of him. He’s the enforcer, the bad cop. He has no respect for anything but himself, and he needs to be taught a lesson. So I watch him walk to a black Dodge Challenger Hellcat, and imagine sneaking up behind him and sticking a knife in his throat. I picture his body going limp and blood spilling onto the snow beneath his feet, turning it from white to red. I see it all happen in my mind’s eye, and I have to make myself snap out of it as he starts the pompous car and drives out of the parking lot. I start Mother’s Toyota and follow him.
It’s only a few minutes of driving before he’s turning into another parking area. This one is the parking lot of a nice apartment complex, and I immediately feel thrilled about my decision to follow him. He has led me to his home, and what’s more is that there’s a white Nissan Maxima sitting out front with its lights on. I pull to the other side of the road and watch as Granger parks his car. When he gets out and starts for the stairwell, the driver of the white Maxima steps out of the car and extends her arms to embrace him.
She’s a beautiful woman, sporting curly, dark hair, and business attire. She’s sexy, and I can tell from the embrace that Granger appreciates how good she looks right now. They hug and exchange conversation before turning around and walking up the steps to what I now know is Granger’s apartment. This is his home. Should I kill him here? Now?
No.
I have an even better idea. I’ll make him feel a deep pain before I kill him. Not a physical pain, but an emotional one. He’ll know the suffering I feel everyday as I grieve for Mother. Yes, he will know that pain. Then he will know physical agony. Then he will know death. He will know I am my mother’s son.
