Page 22 of I Love to Hate You
“I’ve got a lot going on, and I’m just not in the mood for anything dumb,” I answer truthfully.
“Being nice to you is dumb? Wanting to be close to you is dumb? Who cares if Maya is over there or not? Who cares if she gets jealous or not? You're my boyfriend, aren't you?”
At the mention of her name being blared through Amy’s loudspeaker of a mouth, Maya and Eddie both look at us.
“Your boyfriend?” I ask, matching Amy’s energy with a raised voice. “Since when am I your boyfriend? Come on, Amy, let’s keep it real. You like me because I’m not one of these pussies you're used to. You like that I’ll slap the living shit out of any guy here, and then turn around and do the same to you when we fuck. You like that I’m dark and unashamed of who I am or where I come from. You're not messing with me because we’re a match made in heaven. What would your parents think if you brought me home to them? Me, a Black guy from Strawberry Mansion, home of the notorious Solomon King. You’d be disowned for being with me, and we both know it. Have you told them about me?”
Amy scoffs as she shrugs. “Well, have you told your parents about me?”
“Of course not, because you're not my girlfriend.”
I don't realize that everyone is listening to us until I begin to hear gasps floating in the air around me. When I look around to follow the sounds, I see eyes stuck on us. When it comes to witnessing arguments and fights, college is no different than high school, everyone wants to see it.
Amy tilts her head to the side and glares at me in confusion. “Where is all this coming from, Kendrick?” she asks, before looking over her shoulder at Eddie and Maya. She stares at them for a moment before turning back to me, her expression changed to one of realization. “Do you like her or something?”
My eyes bulge. “What are you talking about?”
“I saw the way you two looked at each other the day you pulled her off me,” Amy says like it’s an announcement for everyone in the parking lot. “I was standing right there, and you two locked eyes like you were in lust just from being close. Now you’re making eyes at each other from across the parking lot. You think I don't see when I’m standing right next to you? I’m not blind, Kendrick.”
“You don't know what you're talking about,” I say, trying to defend myself although it feels wrong to. “I don't even know that girl. It seems to me that you haven't gotten over whatever bullshit you two went through back in the day, but that doesn't have anything to do with me.”
Amy nods her head, agreeing with whatever the voice in her mind is telling her. “I don't know how I didn't recognize it before,” she says. “You two are just alike. Always irritable. Always ready to fight over the smallest things. Always so outspoken, even in moments you should keep your mouth shut. Always wanting to be in control. I was too blinded by your looks to see it, but now it’s as clear as day. I guess I am blind to some things when I’m standing right next to you.”
I look down at the ground as her words hit me, but force myself to look up. “You’re full of shit.”
“Yeah? Well, you're screwed now, because Maya is with Eddie, and you … you're all by yourself. We’re done, Kendrick. Have a nice life.”
I scoff loud enough for the entire parking lot to hear. “I will have a nice life, Amy, because now I won't have to spend my time training you on how to fuck.”
Mid-step, Amy whirls around with wide eyes. “Fuck you. Don't come running back when you see me happily with someone else.”
“Trust me, I won't. I’ll be too busy feeling pity for the guy—knowing every time you two have sex, he’ll feel like he’s fucking a mannequin.”
“Ugh, fuck you, Kendrick,” she barks, before spinning back around.
“I would tell you to go fuck yourself, Amy, but it’s clear you wouldn't know how.”
Amy walks away without turning back, and every eye in the parking lot turns to me, including Maya, who’s watching with far more interest than I expected her to have. We eye each other, and even with Eddie staring at the side of her face, Maya doesn't look away. My heart begins to drum in my chest, and no amount of deep breaths can stop it. Physically shaking my head does nothing to knock away the feeling of anxiety that her eyes give me, so I have no choice but to leave.
I stand up, lifting my head to the sky in an attempt to pull myself together, because I don't have time to be in my feelings about anything. My degree is hanging in the balance, and if I don't focus on the task at hand, I’m going to fail my final and render the last four years of my life completely useless. I can’t let that happen. Amy doesn't matter. Maya can’t matter. Nothing else can even exist besides this test.
I swallow it all down in one giant gulp and cut out all the noise. I put on blinders and ignore everyone gawking at me as I walk away with my mind focused solely on my Retail and Sales Management test. If I pass, I’ll graduate and everything will be fine. If I don't, nothing will.
No pressure.
Seventeen
~ KENDRICK~
When I pull up to my mother’s house, I’m not sure what to expect when I go inside. We haven't spoken in two days because I wanted to give myself space and time to prepare for my Retail and Sales Management test. I thought about it a lot as the day of the final approached, and I knew I would feel like absolute shit if I acted confident when I really wasn't, especially if it ended up back firing on me. So I made sure to call her two days before the test to ensure she was doing okay, and I was pleasantly surprised that she was. She sounded energetic, which isn’t common these days, so I used it as fuel and motivation to do well. Now that the test is over, I’m nervous about how things could be once I get inside.
When I knock on the door, a few seconds of silence passes and my heart hammers. My second knock is thunderous, but it gets Mom to respond.
“Now who the hell is that banging on my door like they’re the damn police?” she says to herself loud enough to be heard through the door.
She’s a little annoyed, but at least my heart can calm down. “Sorry, Ma. It’s me.”
The sounds of multiple locks and deadbolts being turned lets me know Mom is at the door, and when it swings open, I’m thrilled by what I see.
