Page 23 of A Good Girl's Guide to Dominance
“I understand,” Isabella says. “So, you're going to be single for life?”
I shrug. “I don't know. I see you two and how happy and successful you are as a couple, and it makes me want it for myself. My mom and dad had it, too, before Mom died. Dad never got over her passing either. But, I’m anxious for better things now. All I can say is that I’m open to it. Alright? Is that enough to make you happy?”
Isabella sighs. “For now, I guess. But at some point, I want you to bring someone over here for us to meet. I want to see you in love, and unafraid of it. I don't want you running for the rest of your life.”
“The day I introduce you two to someone will be the day I know without question that I've metthe one. You guys are the closest thing to family that I have left, so I'm not going to just bring any random woman over, but that doesn't mean I’m running,” I say, but I’m not sure the last part is true.
“Okay, so if the right woman came along, you’d be open to settling down?” Nikola asks as he reaches over and takes his wife’s hand in his.
I eye him carefully. “You know I have very particular tastes.Veryparticular.” Nikola smiles, knowingexactlywhat I mean. “So, if I met someone who could meet those particulars, then yes, I’d be open to the idea of settling down.” Isabella gasps and goes into a solo applause, clapping enthusiastically. “Oh, stop. She would have to beperfect, Isabella, because that's what Natalia was. Whoever this mystery woman is, she would need to be perfect for me in every way.”
“That’s a pretty big requirement, Rome. Areyouperfect?” Isabella asks, to which Nikola grins at me. He and I both know that Isabella is the one who always keeps everyone on their toes.
“I’m not saying she has to be perfect,” I try to explain. “I mean she has to be perfectfor me. She would have to check off every box I have, and I would want to check off hers. I’ve met some new people since I finally started coming outside again, and if one of them happens to be everything I want, then I promise you both that I will go for it. I won't let the past stop me.”
Nikola and Isabella look at each other, suspicion and disbelief swirling between them like a dirt devil. I know they don't believe me, but I mean it. I think I’ve finally spent enough time on my own, living the widower bachelor life, and after all that has happened, I think I'm ready to settle down. It is something else I know Mom and Dad would be proud of, so I tell myself that I won't run from it if it approaches me. At least I think I won’t. Who knows—maybe I've already met exactly the right person.
A Dominant Man
Thirteen
“Iwould like to propose a toast,” Jaz says, her shot glass of tequila raised high in the air. Michael, Jeremiah, and I raise our glasses to hers. “To our girl, Nia. When it comes to relationships and finding the man of her dreams who can match her freak, she is clearly cooked, but she holds onto hope and never gives up on her dreams. We could all learn a thing or two from her when he comes to perseverance. May the next man she finds be the BDSM king she has waited her entire life for. To Nia!”
“To Nia!” the rest of the group shouts, while I force a smile that is part annoyed, part fed up, and part thankful for them.
The four of us stand in Jaz and Michael’s kitchen listening to a smooth playlist of relaxing R&B and soul music that Micheal has effectively labeled as “Chill Shit.” Currently, H.E.R. croons over a beautiful track about how every time she tries to leave, something keeps pulling her back. It’s ironic, because that’s exactly how I feel after another failed attempt at finding a Dom.
Everything with Marcus started off so great, but he eventually showed his true colors, revealing that being a Dom is somethinghe does in his spare time and whenever he finds a woman who wants it in the bedroom. I’m beyond disappointed with how it ended, and there’s a part of me that wants to erase every single profile I have across all dating sites and social media, but every time I try to leave, something keeps pulling me back. Whatever it is that I’m tethered to, I wish it would just let me go.
As the group moves to the small bar stools that surround the beautiful gray granite island in the center of the kitchen, the tequila in my stomach mixes with my dismay and makes my body feel tightly wound. They all sit, placing their glasses in front of them while the tequila bottle is pushed to the middle like a centerpiece. Personally, I wish I could have the liquor all to myself. While work is going fine, I suppose, I still don't like that I’m being forced to research a man who I know is a criminal. Everything feels rigid in my life right now, and maybe a good drunken night would be exactly what I need to loosen it.
As my friends get comfortable, I grab the bottle and slide it over to me, filling my shot glass and knocking it back with no hesitation. No toast required. The glass slams back onto the island as I wince from the taste. When the process is finished, I pause as I realize all of them are watching me with wide eyes.
“Damn, girl. You alright?” Jaz asks, laughing.
“I'm fine,” I lie. “Let’s see if talking about other people’s sex lives makes me feel better about mine. Jeremiah, you go.”
Jeremiah’s hand flies up to his chest as he points to himself. “Me?”
“Yeah. So, are you dating anybody? In the middle of a little fling?” I ask, already prepared to reach for the bottle again because my buzz is taking far too long to take hold.
Jeremiah looks stunned and stammers like English is his second language. “Umm … uhh, okay. Well, let’s see … I’ve actually been dating someone by the name of Gerald for about two months now.”
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” I say, letting my head fall back until I’m staring at the ceiling.
Jeremiah laughs. “Sorry, girl. When it comes to struggling through relationships, you're riding that wave all by yourself. At least, for now anyway. We all know I’ve had my own issues with finding something long term. I hope it works for me and Gerald, but it’s still really new, so time will tell.”
Even though my throat is still burning from the last shot, I snatch up the bottle and pour another. Everyone stares as I do it, their faces a mix of shocked and entertained. I don't even care. I’m thirty years old and perpetually single, with an extra helping of constant disappointment to go along with it. I understand their staring, because I’m sure my circus act of a love life is captivating. If I wasn't the one going through it, I would stare at the cinematic event, too. Who doesn't love a great tragedy?
I tilt my head back and pour the liquor in my mouth, my face scrunching from the fire engulfing my throat, then I slam the glass down to turn my attention to Jeremiah.
“Alright, we get it, Jeremiah,” I say sarcastically. “You’re in love, and my life is a running joke that has everlasting stamina and will never stop running. Great. Just tell me what color we’re wearing for the wedding. Okay? Awesome. Moving on! How about you two? What’s going on with the Carmichaels? Going down a particularly bumpy road these past few months? Sleeping in separate bedrooms? Does Michael snore so much that you accuse him of doing it on purpose?”
Jaz frowns so hard I think her face will shatter.
“Damn, Nia,” she exclaims. “What are you doing, hoping we split up because your love life is off the rails?”
“Ugh, no,” I reply, faking like I’m crying but suddenly feeling the sting of real tears. “Of course I would never wish anything like that. I love you guys so much, and you're such a perfect example of how a loving marriage is supposed to look. But, that’sthe problem. I see you two and it is a constant driver of my desire, and an immovable reminder of what I don't have. If you guys split up, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. On one hand, I'd lose all hope for love in this life, and on the other, I’d struggle to find peace because I’d be on the run from the police for killing Michael. So basically, my life would be ruined if you got a divorce.”
