Page 40 of Top Shelf
I wasn’t looking him in the face, but I could see him in the mirror. He looked…sad. I thought it was sad. “I was lied to right after my injury. They said I’d be fine. They said with hard work, I could get back everything I lost. My first therapist’s philosophywas that lies were good motivators so when you learned the truth, you were already used to thinking positive.”
“That sounds like a load of shit.”
He burst into laughter and turned to me. “Yeah. It was. I almost quit for good, but I ended up transferring to another PT, and she was better. Her honesty was brutal, but my expectations were set. I always wanted to be like her when I started school.”
“So I’ll be okay?”
He walked up, and after a moment of hesitation, he touched my chin, drawing my gaze up. I didn’t meet his eyes, but it was easy to look at his full, lush mouth and remember what it was like to be kissed.
“Is this professional?” I asked when he didn’t answer my first question.
He took a breath. His lips parted just slightly, and I could see the edges of his teeth. “You’ll be okay.” Quinn paused. “I don’t do this with my other clients, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Why me?”
“Because I can’t help myself. Ferris, that night?—”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
Closing my eyes, I bowed my head and nodded. “I wanted it to be a onetime thing. But I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”
“Maybe I should send you somewhere else. I don’t want to distract you.”
I met his gaze and held it for as long as I could. “I don’t trust anyone else. I need you.”
“Fuck, don’t say it like that,” he begged.
I knew all of this was crossing lines. This was unethical. This could probably cost him his license. It would be a scandal. Even if he and I never touched, it was wrong.
He reached into his pocket, and it took me a second to realize what he was holding. It was his little burrito. “I’m calling him Jeff.”
I snorted, my eyes a little hot. “Oh. Why Jeff?”
“He looks like a Jeff.” He rubbed his thumb over the eyes. “This meant something. I’m sorry I left the chat. I just…I wanted you to feel like you could move on without having to see me all the time. And I…” He trailed off and licked his lips. “It was going to be impossible seeing your name and not saying something.”
“If this is hurting you, I’ll go somewhere else.”
Quinn shook his head quickly. “No. I want you to feel safe so you can get better. We can do this, Ferris. We can. And maybe when it’s over?—”
“Oh. Don’t say that,” I begged. “I don’t want to think about hope right now. I feel lost, and…and I can’t.”
“Okay.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I can do this. I can be whatever you need.”
I took a moment to absorb all of that—to let myself believe the promise he was making. I could want him. I would always want him. But I could also let myself detach. “See you Monday, right?”
I caught just the edge of a smile curving on his lips. “Yeah. Monday.”
When I turned and slowly made my way out of the clinic’s main room, he didn’t follow. The walk back to the front door was impossibly slow and very lonely. There wasn’t another soul in the building.
I could do this. I could.
…Iwould.
Chapter Twelve
Quinn
