Page 27 of Top Shelf
“See you.”
When he was gone, I did my best to focus on the words in the book, but it felt impossible. My mind kept drifting to Quinn. I wondered what he was doing now. Was he happy? Sad? Busy?
Did he think about me at all, or was I just a notch on his belt?
Did he even have a belt?
“You’re looking a little better,” came a familiar voice from my right. One of my other frat brothers who was also nice to me appeared, looking about as tired as I felt, though I knew his was from his intensive degree program, not from sports.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes as Eli heaved his bag down beside me and sat. It was weird to see him outside of the house, not curled up and schmoopy with Cosmo. But it was clear he’d just come from the physics building, and though it wasn’t exactly summery hot outside, there were little sweat droplets on his temples.
“I don’t feel better.”
He grimaced and reached across the table for my water bottle, peeling the label off. I knew what was coming next. It was similar to the compulsion I had, only instead of crocheting animals, he folded labels into origami animals. I liked the swans best, and I think he knew it.
He often left them all over the house, but by morning, for some reason, they were always gone.
“Long class?” I finally asked. He was probably expecting some kind of small talk.
“Yeah. We have a pretty sweet project going. There’s this supermassive black hole that had been dormant for basically ever, right? But it’s started waking up. We got to check out theVLBA data for it. This astronomer in Bologna was the one who’s been leading the research. I cannot tell you how badly I want to go there. He was responsible for this other project, too, that I?—”
And that was where I zoned out. Most of the time, I loved listening to Eli talk nerdy about all his science stuff. It wasn’t my thing. I was never good with math—much to my parents’ dismay. I liked astrophysics as a concept, but my brain could never focus.
“…might be able to get a job there when I’m done. But I’ve been stressed.”
I blinked at him and tried to focus. “About working?”
“Leaving everyone.” He licked his lips. “I didn’t know being in a fraternity would feel good. I thought it was going to be a bunch of douchebag jocks.”
I pragmatically didn’t point out that our fratwasa bunch of douchebag jocks with a handful of jocks who were less douchey than the rest. Eli was definitely in that category.
I tried for a smile, and he laughed, pushing the little swan toward me. “I need to head out. I have a lab, but I saw you sitting here, so I wanted to check on you.”
It was kind of him to do that. “Thanks.”
He hesitated like he thought maybe he should say something else, then grabbed his bag, stretched his back, and shot me a wave before he ambled off. When I was alone again, I poked at my crêpe, which was entirely inedible now that it had been sitting and gotten kind of crusty.
But that was fine.
Eating was terrible anyway.
I picked up my phone and felt an inexplicable urge to text Quinn. To tell him about the game—about the victory and my injury. To tell him about how I found the courage to speak up during my Women in Islam class when one of the baseballdickheads started spouting off with some red pill Reddit bullshit.
I opened up the group chat, which was lively, and I scrolled down a few pages before my heart dropped to my feet.
Quinn has left the chat.
Was that my fault?Had the night really been that bad?
Our private DMs were quiet, the way they had been after he dropped me off at the house.
There was nothing left between us, just like the way we planned. I just hadn’t realized he would completely disappear from everywhere I was. But it was fine. Really.
I would go on my way to the NHL and live my life, and he would go on to his physical therapy practice, and it would be like we’d never met. Except he’d kept something of mine from that night, and it wasn’t just my virginity. My heart felt fractured in half.
My chest ached a little, and I breathed through it, then turned my attention back to my reading. I had a life to get on with. I had one problem solved, so I was going to call it a win. Things were looking up.
I could only hope they stayed that way.
