Page 46 of Top Shelf
I stared at him. I wanted to say yes. Every part of my body was screaming to say yes. “Aren’t you worried it could cost you your job?”
“Yes.” Plain and simple. Just like that. I appreciated that he didn’t try to make the answer complicated.
“Are you worried I’ll turn you in?”
He met my gaze and held until my eyes flickered down to my favorite spot—the little curve where his chin met his bottom lip. “If you turned me in, it would be because I did something veryheinous, and in that case, I’d probably deserve it. But I need you to know something.”
“Okay.” I sounded breathless.
“You can say no to my request, and nothing between us will change. I will still want to treat you. I will still want to be your friend—as much as you’re interested in being mine. I have never done this before. I’ve never crossed this kind of line, and I know for a fact you are the only person I’d be willing to take this risk for.”
I let those words sink in. My brain turned them around and around, like those nuns with their rosary beads I’d seen when my dad took me to his childhood church. It took a while for me to wrap my head around what he was saying, but when I finally got it, I looked up into his face.
“What does it mean? If we do this?”
He looked torn. “I don’t know. I don’t think I can make any kind of promise to you right now. I know that’s completely unfair?—”
“No.”
He took a step back.
“I mean, no. I mean…” I let out a small grunt of frustration. My words were going to fail me if I wasn’t careful. But he always turned me upside down. It reminded me of when I was very little. Whenever I’d get something I really wanted—whenever I was happiest—I couldn’t speak. All that was left were noises of joy, which got me strange looks from everyone.
But Quinn never looked at me that way.
I took a long, slow breath. “Imean…I don’t want any promises. This is all very complicated, and the only thing that makes sense is that I want to kiss you. And I want to have sex with you. But I don’t want you to lose your job because of me.”
“It will never be because of you. I’m making this choice for me.” He held out a hand to me. “Come home with me,” he said again.
I couldn’t make my tongue move in the way that would give him the word he wanted, so instead, I slipped my fingers against his, interlocking them, and let him pull me to my feet. He touched my jaw then—as though he’d been waiting for permission.
And his face was alight, like he was grateful for it.
“Ready?” he whispered.
I swallowed heavily, gave myself a moment, and then I nodded.
I had been ready for a long, long time. I just hadn’t realized I could have this again.
Me: I’m going to be late tonight.
Mama: Where are you going to be?
Me: Please don’t worry.
Mama: Beta, this is not a joke.
Me: I’m not joking. I’m out with a friend.
There was the longest delay,and for a moment, I thought my mom might panic and call the police or something equally reckless. But just as we hit the main road, heading in a direction I wasn’t entirely familiar with, a text came through.
Mama: I know you’re an adult, but I will never stop worrying. Be safe.
I put a heart on the message and then tucked my phone into my pocket, my gaze fixed on the road ahead of us. I didn’t like looking out the side windows. The passing scenery always made me dizzy.
“Everything okay? If you changed your mind?—”
I looked over at Quinn. “Do you want me to change my mind?”
