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My sister wasn’t homophobic. When I’d come out as gay in middle school, she’d been my number one supporter. She’d made jokes about having someone to go shopping with and give her makeup tips and even fought a couple of assholes who’d tried to make my life miserable. But she never struck me as the type of person who would date the same people I would.
Jeremy had been honest with me from the beginning. He was bisexual and had mostly been with girls. And by girls, he meant that he’d dated them, but never sealed the deal. They’d kiss, hang out, and do other things, but the second physical intimacy became involved, he’d freeze up and wouldn’t be able to follow through.
That was not the experience I’d had with him.
The first night we’d gone out, I’d ended up back in his room, the two of us frotting together until my eyes crossed and I’d come so hard that I knew I needed to see him again. Something was different, we’d connected where I hadn’t with so many others. It was easy to pull up an app and find someone to get off with, but Jeremy had depth. Here was this guy who had dreams of working with people who struggled with substance abuse. I knew that about him because we’d taken the time to get to know each other.
But not well enough.
“So I was thinking that maybe a little later we can all go down to the pier? Get something to drink. What do you think?”
I shook my head, realizing that Leah was asking me a question. When I looked over at Jeremy to see how he was handling all of this, he wouldn’t meet my eyes. Gah, how unfair was it that my fingers still itched to comb through his dark red tresses. He still kept his hair a little longer on top while trimmed on the sides. It sort of had a military-type cut appearance without being overly rigid. He was still soft and approachable, but maybe it was those wide blue eyes that did that for him.
I chewed the inside of my cheek. While it sucked that he was here and clearly not addressing the elephant in the room, I wouldn’t out him to Leah. I wasn’t about to let itstop me from spending time with my sister, either. It had been far too long since we’d spent time together.
“The Billy Goat?” I asked, setting the last of her bags on her bed, doing my best to ignore the way Jeremy moved around the room.
“Obviously! I could kill for some good local food. Sure, the place is a little gimmicky, but there’s some good memories there.”
I laughed remembering how Leah had been determined to say the famous “cheezborger” name when she ordered. Of course she’d flubbed it all up, ending up sounding like she was some crazed Russian trying to order a meal.
“I could go for that. Nothing screams Chicago classic like the Billy Goat.”
Leah smacked Jeremy’s arm, making him look up at her before turning to me. He still didn’t speak to me, his face turning a light shade of pink before he nodded. “Uh, sure.”
Leah snickered. “Come on, Jer. You can’t visit Chicago and not try some of the local fare. While you’re here we have to get you a good pizza. And I mean the good stuff. A real Chicago deep dish. Oh! And a hot dog! And before you judge me on that, you’ve not lived until you’ve had a Chicago dog.”
Leah was so animated as she talked, opening up her bags, pulling out her clothes, and then stuffing them intodrawers. It occurred to me then that I hadn’t asked how long they were staying. I had always planned a longer trip, but the few times that Leah had made it home, she’d stayed for the holiday and left.
Jeremy still said nothing, both of us watching my sister. I couldn’t stand the awkwardness anymore. If he was going to make things weird, I’d hold out on being around him until it was absolutely necessary.
“Just... come and get me when you’re ready to go.” I bolted from the room, bee-lining for mine. The second the door closed behind me, I rested my back against it and tried to take some deep breaths. Holy hell. How did being around Jeremy Praytor after all these years mess me up so badly?
I should have been able to move on. Fuck, for the most part, I had. There’d been men after him. Lots of them. I fucked him right out of my system. Or so I’d thought.
“Can I get another one of these?” Leah slurred, holding her pint glass high in the air.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
Leah turned to glare at her fiancé, and I half wanted to laugh at the way he sort of shriveled away from her. If I knew my sister, she was in “fun” mode. When she got to that point, you didn’t get in the way.
The big, greasy cheeseburgers should have helped to keep us a little more on the sober side, but for whatever reason, it always hit Leah a little harder than it did me.
The bartender came over, took the glass from my sister before returning to the tap to pour her another IPA. I’d never pegged my sister as a beer drinker, but a few things had changed in the years we’d been apart. Last I knew, she was a cocktail girl, through and through. Then again, this was a tavern, and something about ordering cocktails at a tavern felt wrong.
I was still nursing my second, and from the looks of it, so was Jeremy. Leah, well, she was on number four. Maybe he had a point that we should probably slow her down.
“So...” Leah started, picking up her pint glass and taking a swig. “Maybe since we’re here for a little longer, we can get out and do a little more. I’d love to take Jeremy out shopping down Michigan Avenue...”
And just like that, I tuned out my sister again.
For the first time all evening, I looked at Jeremy... like... really looked at him. He was paying attention to Leah for the most part. That was until he noticed me watching him.Instead of looking away when our eyes met, I held his gaze. There was curiosity there, dancing in the blue depths. Maybe it was stupid to let my guard down, but there had to be a reason that he’d up and left without a word.
There always was.
I laughed as Leah kept droning on and on about all the different stores she wanted to drag Jeremy into. “Are you sure he really wants to do all of that? It’s already just a couple of days before Christmas. Everything will be a madhouse at this point.”
“Thank you. I tried to tell her that before we left. She insisted on waiting until we got here to go gift shopping.”
