Page 54 of Something to Believe In
She nodded and sauntered into the living room. She sat on the sofa, her spine stiff, her jaw tight. His stomach twisted, and dread shadowed him. She seemed very serious.
He sat next to her, but he waited for her to gather her thoughts.
She finally turned toward him. "I apologize, Axel. You didn't deserve my accusation that you'd cheated on me. I'm very sorry I said that."
His heartbeat sped up. He took a deep breath. "I appreciate the apology. I know, or at least I think I know, where it came from."
She nodded. "I had a friendly chat with Livia. I explained my comments to you and how my head is a bit of a mess right now. For twenty years, we told ourselves we couldn't be together. We've only just started seeing each other without restrictions, and now Lacey says we can't be together. It feels like a sign, and yet, there are so many other signs that we are supposed to be together. I'm scared, Axel. I don't want to screw this up. I've felt like a failure since my divorce from Steve. I don't want to fail you."
Tears fell from her eyes. He reached over to the end table and pulled a tissue from a box. He dabbed her cheeks, then handed her the tissue.
After she composed herself, he turned to face her. He took both of her hands in his and looked deeply into her eyes. "Listen to me, Mads. You're putting a ton of pressure on yourself to be perfect here. Don't you hear me when I speak to you? You are perfect. You're perfect for me. I don't want a perfect Maddyn; I want the Maddyn who is already perfect for me. You. Just the way you are. Don't doubt yourself and stop putting so much on yourself to be a certain way or act a certain way or feel a certain way. You are the perfect wife."
Her eyes stared into his. "What does being a perfect wife mean?"
He chuckled. "It's different for everyone. For me, it's the commonality we have with our work. Understanding what it's like being in a band, and on the road, and what it means when that feeling falls heavily over you to get the words that continue to knock at your brain, down on paper. To know it isn't a personal slight if I need to walk into the office for an hour to write lyrics in a notebook. It's understanding who I am, Axel Peters, a man with a passion for music, a steady home life, and friends. I'm a creative with a need to be with you, my soulmate. To wake with you each morning and share a cup of coffee together, and talk or not talk. That's what it means to me."
Her smile. It was stunning, and his heartbeat increased. Her smile was sad and soft and didn't quite reach her eyes, but it was there. "I didn't know you felt that way."
He chuckled. "Baby, what have I been telling you?"
"That you love me. But I didn't know you thought all the rest."
He kissed her forehead. "What do you think the perfect husband is?"
She inhaled deeply and stared into his eyes. "I think he's someone who knows how I like my coffee. His beautiful songs are about us, his feelings, and our relationship. Writing the words to a song is something he understands. When I need quiet, he doesn't take it personally. Other women won't cause him to betray me. He loves me, and only me. He enjoys quiet times as much as fun times, and when we play our music together, our hearts are in perfect chorus. Mostly, he gives me something to believe in."
He nodded. She'd just described him. He kissed her lips softly. "Let's get some rest, Baby."
He'd just let her ponder her words for a while. She was coming around.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Maddyn dressed for their gig. She'd chosen black jeans and a black lace tank top. She paired it with gold necklaces and a gold bangle bracelet. Short black boots completed her outfit. She made her eyes look smoky, and she'd teased her hair slightly, giving her a badass look without looking trashy. It also kept her hair from flattening out when her body perspired during a set.
Axel stepped into the bedroom and whistled. "Mama, you are sexy!"
Laughing, she turned to stare at him. He also wore black jeans and a black t-shirt. Said t-shirt stretched perfectly across his shoulders and enhanced his physique. "You are sexy yourself. I'm a lucky woman."
He chuckled and pulled her into his arms. "I'm the lucky one."
He kissed her lips and stepped away. "Are you ready? It's about an hour to Tampa, and we should get going."
"Yes, I'm ready. I'm bringing my notebook, though. I have words running through my head, and they won't leave me alone, so I'm going to write in the car. Is that okay?"
His brows rose, and he grinned. "Of course it is."
She laughed at her question. Hadn't they just discussed this? They were golden on that front. The nap was absolutely necessary. She felt so much better now than she had earlier. Her head was clearer and her mood was lighter than it had been in a long time.
She moved to the office and picked up her notebook from the table. Tucking it into her backpack, she hefted it over one shoulder. She had her makeup, deodorant, an extra tank top, and hairspray in her backpack. During the break, sometimes she needed to freshen up. She worked hard when they performed. She danced and moved constantly, and she exerted a lot of energy singing her heart out. And that's what she did for every performance. It wasn't about people watching them. It was about feeling the music so deep in her soul that when she sang, the audience felt it.
They loaded up the SUV and began their drive. The words came fast and clear, and so incredible she teared up a few times. Axel drove quietly and let her write. She smiled as she realized that and reminded herself she'd do the same for him if he needed the writing time and they had someplace to be.
She felt the SUV turn and slow, and when she looked up, Axel was pulling into the back of the arena where they'd perform. Her stomach fluttered as a fit of nerves flew through her body. The size of the stadium was incredible, and looking at it from this vantage point made her hands shake. She stared at the top of the stadium, her mouth open, and her breathing came in brief spurts.
Axel chuckled. "This is fucking awesome."
She turned to stare at him. "Easy for you to say."
