Page 29 of Falling Hard
The moment he laid me down, I knew where we were. Over the years, Luke’s bedrooms had always been familiar to me. Whether his sheets were covered in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or his beloved football team, I knew Luke's bedroom like the back of my hand. Especially this one, since I had picked the curtains, all the furniture, pillows, and even the 400 thread count sheets he’d just laid me on.
There, on his bed, I felt like I was drowning in his scent. My thoughts were a quiet storm I couldn't escape. Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling. These feelings for Luke weren't new, but today they came crashing down harder than ever, making them impossible to ignore. The truth was, Iwanted more than friendship, and my excuses for settling were nothing but fear.
I screwed my eyes shut tight, daring myself to say it. To tell him how I felt.
"Liv, are you going to be sick?" Luke asked, concern filling his voice. I felt a hand on my arm. "Come on, I'll take you."
It took all the strength in me, but I pulled away. "No."
"No, what? Let's go before you vomit on my bed."
This wasn't how I thought I would confess my feelings, not while he worried I was about to puke.
Slowly, I rose from the bed and pushed the hand Luke offered. However, just my luck, I lost my footing. Before I fell, he reached for my waist.
Silence.
As I steadied myself against him, I felt his chest rise beneath my palm. I couldn't look away.
"Luke, I love you." My words came out softer than intended, wrapped in a vulnerability I couldn’t hide, no matter how hard I tried.
I remember it like it was yesterday. Luke scoffed. "Sure you do. I love you too."
I pushed him away, took a few steps back, and stared at him. He didn’t believe me; I could see it in his face. As I watched him, I was already searching for a way to convince him.
It took every ounce of courage in me to get those words out. I didn't have any more left in me, so I did the next best thing. I rushed forward, grabbed his shirt, and pressed my lips to his. Luke's body stiffened, and I opened my eyes to find his hands suspended in the air. Slowly, I pulled back. His shocked expression felt like a slap.
For a brief moment earlier, I imagined Luke was kissing me back and let myself enjoy the kiss. Now, the warmth I imagined between us disappeared.
"Liv ... no. We're friends and ..."
I couldn't hear another word. I knew rejection when I heard it. Desperate to be anyplace but there, I raised a hand to my mouth and ran away from him toward the bathroom. "I think I'm going to be sick."
It was a lie, but it got me out of the room. I stayed locked in the bathroom. If I was hidden behind a door, I didn't have to deal with the consequences of what I’d done.
"Do you want me to get you something?" Luke called through the door.
"No, I'm fine."
Silence.
"I'm just going to wash up," I said.
"I'll leave a clean shirt on the bed. Call me if you need anything."
Obviously, he meant anything but him.
"Okay. Thanks."
That night, I took a shower and quickly climbed under Luke's sheets. What I needed was sleep. That would fix it all. Tomorrow would come, and it would all be ... Suddenly, the thought of facing him in the morning sliced through me. The room was quiet, but my pain from the embarrassment rang loud. Rolling to my side, I pulled the sheet over my head. If I had one wish, I'd take it all back, or at least find out this was all a terrible dream. The expression Luke had, and his words, gnawed at me. I'd messed up. Should've done what I was doing all along, shoved those feelings deep down within me and pretended they didn’t exist. We were friends and that's all we'd ever be. Over and over, I scolded myself. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. A small part of me hoped to die in my sleep. Anything was better than facing Luke tomorrow.
The next day arrived,no matter how much I willed it not to. I'd hid in Luke's bedroom, eyeing a window as a means of escape, when a knock came at the door.
"Liv, you decent?" Without waiting even a second for my answer, Luke added, "I'm coming in."
Leaving little time to think, I sat up, and in under two seconds, my poker face was on. "Hey. What smells so good?"
"I made breakfast. Figured you might not want a big meal, so I let you sleep." He rifled through drawers. As he pulled out clean clothes, I waited to hear if he'd say anything about last night.
