Page 32 of Falling Hard
"Normally, when someone mistakes us for a couple, you correct them."
I relaxed and took a breath. Oh, that's why he was staring at me.
"Typically, before the words are fully out of their mouths, you're telling them we're just friends."
He was right, I’d lost count of how many times I’d had to say it over the years.
"Liv, are you okay? As your best friend, it's my right to know what's happening with you."
The formal tone he took made me chuckle, but then an idea came to me: What if I told Luke how I felt? Right here, just like Demetria recommended. On the outside, I was smiling reassuringly, but inside, my thoughts were rabid. Now was as perfect a time as ever. End all this nonsense, as others had called it, and tell him.Just say the words, I commanded myself.
"L-L-Lu …" My tongue seemed unwilling to cooperate, tripping over a name I'd spoken a thousand times.
No, it wasn’t the right time. Confessing that you loved someone had to be well prepared and planned for. Like always, a cold wave of doubt overwhelmed me, my stomach felt uneasy, my heart began to pound. Losing him terrified me more than silence ever could. If Luke rejected me, would I continue walking down the trail ahead of us? There weren't any quick exits, and without them, I couldn't. I was not prepared for this.
"Don't be silly, it's nothing. Just thinking I should've gotten another hot dog."
Luke laughed. "Why don't we walk to the other side of the park and grab a real lunch?"
I was about to defend Freddy's hot dogs but didn’t have the energy. My mind filled with one alarming fact: how much of a coward I was.
With my usual calm mask in place, I walked beside him through the park, talking about the week that had passed.
"Oh. Good news, we found a wedding planner, florist, and DJ," Luke said, interrupting my thoughts.
I dug deep down not to roll my eyes. "This is New York, I wouldn't think that was difficult."
"You wouldn't think so, but they’re very exclusive, and Solenne had her heart set on getting certain ones."
"Did she?" I asked, trying hard to hide any hint of mockery.
Luke chewed the last of his hot dog before he spoke. "Yes. Tiffany Clark is the top planner, and Solenne even shifted dates to get her."
I filed the name away, already plotting sabotage.
"Happy to hear things are working out," I mumbled but then paused when I caught the way Luke watched me, like he was waiting for something I couldn't give.
"What, do I have mustard on my cheek?"
"Liv, what about you? Are you happy?"
I thought of a dozen responses, but none of them felt right.
"I'm getting married, your sister tied the knot long ago, mine is engaged. Are you thinking about your future? Planning to stop playing around and find someone special?" Luke added.
"Nope. You all can just go off with your partners. I have my girlfriends, they'd never desert me."
Luke pulled me to his side. "Anywhere I go, you have a place there. I'd never leave you."
His warm words landed but somehow felt cold. Promises of forever sounded hollow when I knew he was already planning a big chunk of his life without me.
We walked side by side, twigs breaking under our sneakers, and his words lingered in the air for a long while.“I'd never leave you.”
The way it sounded, it was no different than when we spat in our hands as children and promised to be best friends forever. However, his words unintentionally made my heart waver between breaking and bursting. Keeping my head straight, I pretended I wasn't overthinking his words, looking for any signs they meant what I wanted them to.
We moved in sync, left foot then right. I kept my hand in my pocket, doing my best to act like things were alright. We walked in silence. A silence that was usually comfortable but now made me uneasy.
By the time we crossed the park, my feet ached, but beside Luke, I hardly cared.
