Page 119 of Keep Me Never
“She loves you. You know that, right?” he says hesitantly.
I swallow, a raspy “yeah” leaving me.
She hasn’t said it yet, but I know she does. I feel it.
I don’t know why she does, but I’ve never been more grateful for anything, even if I sort of wish she didn’t because if she loves me, then that means I’m the one who holds the power to hurt her, and that’s too much.
“I hurt people,” I don’t mean to whisper. Instantly, I wish I could take it back, my eyes snapping to Noah.
I hate how his expression softens when he meets my gaze. “It’s okay to need time to yourself, Chase. No one faults you for that. I did the same thing.”
A low, almost-bitter laugh leaves me, but it’s all pointed back at myself. “No you didn’t.” I shake my head. “You took a minute for yourself when Ari didn’t know how much she needed you. You never did it when all she neededwasyou. That’s what I did last night—ran away, let her worry. Left her.”
“Chase—”
“Don’t, man.” I cut him off, shaking my head. “Don’t tell me she understands or it’s okay or any other supportive shit you think I need to hear.” I look into his eyes. “I don’t deserve your friendship, Noah, so I don’t know why you keep trying to give it to me.”
Noah stares at me for a moment, and then he looks down, nodding to himself.
We go quiet, both just drinking our coffee in silence, and then he pours us another cup, this one just as soothing as the last.
“Should I punch you in the face?”
My head yanks around, and I spill a little coffee on my knuckles.
Noah’s grin is wide, and he tries to bury the chuckle that leaves him in his fist. “That’s what she told me you’d prefer over my friendship.” He jerks his head toward Paige. “A punch to the face.”
A scoff escapes me, and then we’re both laughing.
When I look at him again, his laughter dies, maybe from the expression on my face.
“Chase.” He shakes his head, but I hold up my hands.
“Just…let me. I’m—I’m sorry, Noah,” I tell him earnestly. “I thought I was sorry before, and I was, but I didn’t understand the severity of what I did to you until…” I swallow.
Noah’s mouth hooks up in one corner, and he glances at thegirl on the couch, his oldest friend. His once best friend, until Ari became that for him.
Until Paige became that for me.
“Until you fell in love with Paige.”
I nod, jaw clenched. “I didn’t know it could ever be like this. That itwouldbe like this. Like every piece of me is made up of nothing but pieces of her. It’s terrifying in a way I never knew possible, like this endless pressure and constant stress and worry.”
“Yeah, it is.” Noah is smiling now. “But the payoff?”
Yeah, the payoff.
My eyes move to Paige again, and everything in me softens.
The payoff is unmatched.
“I don’t deserve her.”
Noah’s hand clamps on my shoulder and he gives a little squeeze. “That thought right there, it’s the exact reason why you do.”
“Noah.” Ari’s soft whine comes from the hall, and then the bathroom door clicks shut, and he taps my arm, jogging down the hall.
I frown after him, then grab my cup and move back to my place on the floor beside a still-sleeping Paige. Leaning forward, I kiss her cheek, letting my forehead rest there a moment, wincing when my spine spasms a bit, and straighten, my eyes closing.
