Page 131 of Keep Me Never
“Shh,” I run my fingers along her cheek, shaking my head. “That hit I took a few weeks ago at the game with the scouts… Something happened. I tried to ignore it, figured the things I was feeling after were just random. I was off my game, you know? Upset about how everything went down and…” I swallow, reaching up and smoothing away the frown lines on her forehead. “Coach noticed and he made me see a doctor when we got back yesterday.”
She sits up on one elbow, cupping my cheek, tears in her eyes. “Are you okay? I mean like, are you…”
“Yeah, baby.” I promise her, hating the fear that instantly slips into her eyes. “I’m okay, but football…” I shake my head.
It’s a gut punch to even try to say.
Last night was it for me.
My last game.
“They called it spinal stenosis. Something about a narrowing in my spinal canal that … basically I can’t take a hit anymore. Not like the kind I do anyway.”
“Chase,” she breathes, her lips wobbling.
“It’s career ending.” I hate how my voice shakes, and I hate the tears that spring to her eyes as she hauls me closer. “Everyone will find out soon enough and that will be it.”
“I’m so sorry,” she cries. “I’m so sorry.”
Moisture slips from my eyes and my nose burns but I hold her closer, tucking her into my chest.
We lie there for a long while and it’s exactly what I needed. An anchor to this world.
Strength, the steady in the storm. That’s what she offers,becoming everything I can’t seem to manage right now, and I think she knows that.
She wants to be that for me because she knows I need time to get back to that place.
But I’m going to find it—I have to.
I have to tell her about next semester, about all the other little things that she doesn’t know because I didn’t want to worry her even more, and I will but first I need to figure out what to do to stay with her.
Football might be gone, and I will deal with that. It will be a slow, torturous process with ups and downs but I have her, so I know I’ll be okay in the end.
Maybe I can fix this, salvage some sense of self-worth.
Maybe I can get a job and find a little apartment here in town, work while she finishes school. She could even move in with me instead of staying in the dorm.
If she wants that.
She does, doesn’t she?
Yes, of course she does. You may know nothing, but you know that much.
Paige slips closer, her forehead brushing mine, breath warm against my skin. I close my eyes again, letting the sound of her breathing drown out everything else. For now.
Because whatever happens next, this moment, this morning, and this girl, it’s enough to make me believe that everything will work out.
It has to.
It will.
I will be strong for her, and I will not lose myself because she deserves better and that is what she’s going to get.
It might take a little time to get there but I will.
I’m going to give her my all, the best versions of myself, and not a damn thing less.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
