Page 145 of Keep Me Never
My cheeks hurt from all the crying and my heart just feels…beaten.
Money. He traded me for money?
For a future of his own without me?
Doesn’t he know I would have shared my entire world with him? That I wanted to marry him to fulfill my grandpa’s request? That I was going to agree to take over the business with him at my side?
It would have worked out well, after some trial and error I’m sure, and maybe in time we could find a way to incorporate football so he didn’t lose every part of it. That was my thought, something we could learn to navigate together. Hope.
I wanted to be his hope and he just…
I suck in a choked breath, unable to stop the tears from coming again.
God, I can’t do this.
I need to get out of this room, get some fresh air.
“Just, pass the time, Paige. It’s all you can do,” I tell myself, deciding to get up like it’s any other day. I grab my clothes and my little yellow basket, carrying it to the bathrooms. I put my hair up in a clip and take a quick shower. When I get out, I brush my teeth, moisturize my face, and leave my wet hair down. I don’t have the energy to do more than that.
I head out for a walk, grabbing a hot tea at a little place down the road, and then curve back around toward campus, the numbness starting to settle in.
How could my grandpa do this to me? It wasn’t fair to any of us.
But how could Chase, the man that said he loved me?—
No.
My eyes clench closed and I take a deep breath. It’s okay.
You’re going to be okay. You’ve known loss before. You will know loss again. You can do this.
My lips tremble and my chin falls to my chest.
He said I could keep him, and he lied.
I bend at the knee, burying my face in my hands, and lose it a little more.
“Paige?” My name is called. “Oh my god, Paige!”
Oh no. I fly to my feet, swiping my eyes with the back of my sleeves and slowly, spin to face the girls.
“Oh my god, girl. What happened?” Cam’s eyes are wide and Ari rushes me, wrapping me in a hug before pulling back.
“What happened? We’ve been calling you for days. You have a new RA and she wouldn’t let us in and… What’s going on, what happened?” Her brows pinch.
It strikes me then that they don’t know what he did. They wouldn’t be looking at me like this if they did, right? They wouldn’t have to ask.
Oh god.
It hits me.
Losing him means losing them, doesn’t it? They’re his family, have been long before I was their anything and will be long after I’m forgotten.
He’s going to forget me one day…
My eyes sting and I shake my head, jaw clenching to keep from breaking down in front of everyone.
“Nothing, it’s…just…” I shake my head. “I’m just tired, you know. Jet lag and stuff.”
