Page 22 of Keep Me Never
“Didn’t you just come out of the gym?”
“Yeah, but that’s?—”
“What did you do so far today?” I repeat.
His eyes narrow playfully, and while it takes him a moment, he catches on, the corner of his mouth twitching. “I’m…grateful I was able to get my cardio done?”
“Is that a question?”
His chuckle is low, and he licks his lips. “No. Not a question.”
“Good.” I clap three times and repeat mine. “I’m grateful I had a tea pod to make myself a tea this morning.”
He wants to laugh, looking at me like I’m crazy.
“Come on, now you.”
“Seriously?”
I put my hands on my hips, and his teeth sink into his lower lip. He stares before looking around us, clapping his hands threetimes, even if he does so very, very lightly. “I’m grateful I was able to get my cardio done.”
My smile is instant. “Perfect, now for the hard part.”
“If you want to challenge me to pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time, I should warn you now, I’m kind of a pro at that.”
“Ha ha, funny guy.” I tip my head. “Today, when you were doing your cardio, what were you thinking about?”
The corners of his mouth fall instantly, and he looks away.
It’s…sad. Whatever is eating at him seems to consume his thoughts.
“I’ll go first again,” I offer, turning away from him slightly. “When I was sitting on the counter drinking my tea this morning, or I guess maybe nearly every morning, I couldn’t help but think about my dad.” In my peripheral vision, I watch as he looks my way again. “We used to have tea together at night. Sleepytime Tea with a spoonful of honey. The honey might have defeated the entire purpose of it helping settle you to sleep, but we liked it that way.” I sigh. “And then because I was thinking of my dad, I started thinking about how I’ll never get to have tea with him again, and then I started thinking about the studio I bought in his name and all these impossible decisions I have to make. So I poured my tea down the drain and headed here to avoid it all.”
Finally, I glance at Chase.
He swallows, nodding his head. Focusing on the ground, he kicks his shoe against the turf a couple times before he peeks up from under his lashes. “Would you think I was lying if I said I was thinking about my dad, too?”
“No.”
His lips twitch and he sighs, dropping his head back so he’s staring at the sky. “He’s having a hard time, and while I’m not exactly the cause of his stress, I’m the center of his focus.”
“And that makes you feel guilty.”
“Yep.” He nods, frowning at the sun.
“So how is it that something simple that we enjoy led us to thoughts that were so negative?”
“Reality.”
I nod. “Maybe, but what if we focused on that moment of gratefulness instead of letting our minds run. Like if I tasted the tea instead of drinking it, I would be thinking about the different herbs or the citrus. For you, you might pay attention to the tension in your muscles or the rate of your heart—the good that’s coming out of that moment instead of just existing in it, so that’s what we’re going to do right now. Focus on the moment.”
I grab his arms and lower them down at his sides, looking up at him. “Stay just like this.” I move behind him, pressing my backside up against his.
“What…” he chuckles, shifting but I reach back, clutching his forearms.
“Hey, I’m the teacher here. You have to listen.”
His shoulders shake with his laughter, but he plants himself into position.
