Page 36 of Keep Me Never
The universe has a funny way of mocking me, testing and tearing at me, and the moment I think it, a sleek, black SUV pulls up to the curb, and none other than Noah Riley slides out…wearing a deep-navy-blue, three-piece suit.
My insides coil, and I resist the urge to look down at the outfit I was feeling pretty good about, a black button-up, navy slacks, and a matching jacket. It’s the outfit I bought for last season’s football gala—it’s the knockoff version of Noah’s.
That familiar feeling of inadequacy, of never measuring up, sinks in my chest, heavy and unwelcome, like a weight against my ribs, making it a chore to act unbothered. Hell, it’s a chore to breathe correctly.
How could I be her type when she too once dated the man before me, even if, from what Mason told me, it was more a situation of two young best friends who trauma-bonded over their sick parents. Still. In my eyes, that means she was his once. Still is in the friend department; it’s how we met her, after all. As far as I know, she had no other friends until Noah introduced her to Ari, who introduced her to Cam and the rest of us.
Noah Riley is a real-life golden boy, unwavering in his composure. He’s a saint in this world, and here I am with mine crumbling all around me—unworthy and losing a fight no one knows I’m in.
I don’t realize my steps have slowed until the guys are ahead of me, both looking back with mirroring expressions of concern, but then Noah closes his door, and they face forward.
“I know Ari said you’d be here, but I half expected you to have to cancel, man.” Mason walks up to his future brother-in-law, wrapping him in a hug. “Big, bad pro receiver now and all.”
And I’m reminded yet again of how much lower on the pole I’ll be when all this is over.
Mason and Brady have been my brothers for the last nine years, the two people in the world I could trust over anyone else. None of us had real brothers of our own, Brady being an only child like me. Mason had Ari, of course, but their bond was different, better and more in every sense of the word, as it should be, but our bond was also unshakable.
Until I shook, dropped, and fucking stomped it out.
Soon, really fucking soon, he’ll have a real brother, and eventually I’ll fade into the background, especially if I fuck up and don’t go pro—which is likely considering my recent track record.
And it won’t be because Mason lets me go. It will be me.
They are moving on to bigger and better things, and I won’t be the one who tags along, always in need of a little help to keep up.
My best friend would never see it like that, going out ofhis way to include me however he had to, but that’s the entire point—I don’t want to be that guy.
I won’t be.
Mason was wanted in the NFL last year, but he decided to finish out his college education first, so he’s as good as in, and Brady is 100 percent being drafted come April, just like Noah was two years ago.
I wasn’t being dramatic when I told Paige I stand to lose everything.
So if I don’t convince someone from the NFL that they need me, I’ll also lose my best friends.
“How’s it going, Chase?”
My head snaps up, my throat growing tight, but I do what I always do. I force my lips to curve a bit, swallowing the guilt that consumes me whenever he’s near. Hell, whenever he’s so much as mentioned.
Any other man would see me as the enemy after what I did—telling the women he loved that I could love her just the same, begging like a fool for her to give me another chance after I hurt her by choosing my friendship with Mason over her. I led her on, and then I led her right into his arms before I tried to take her back in mine. Not that I would have been able to.
She is right where she was meant to be, with the man who was made for her.
I still don’t understand why I did it.
Sometimes I think it was out of pure panic. I didn’t want to lose her, and a part of me thought I would. She was important to me, too, both Ari and Cameron. They were as good of friends to me as the guys were, so it was scary to watch her walk away when I’d started to see her as more than my best friend’s little sister.
I stare into Noah’s eyes and, as always, his slope at the edges, a hint of sorrow staring back at me…because he’s a fucking saint.
The man feels badfor meafter all the shit I did.
It only makes me hate myself more.
“Hey, man” is all I can manage to squeeze past the ball of regret in my throat.
I turn away, running my hand over the back of my neck when the double doors open to Paige’s dorm building.
A small group of girls steps out, staring and smiling in our direction. It’s not every day they come out to see four guys standing in dress clothes with hair gelled and faces freshly shaved. No, they’re used to seeing guys in track shorts and hoodies.
