Page 28 of Keep Me Never
Paige smiles, her hands going up and lifting the heart-shaped sunglasses to the top of her head.
She holds my gaze, amused, and then she claps her hands three times.
I frown, and she does it again, her brow lifting.
It takes a moment, but then a broken chuckle slips free, and I shake my head.
Her hands go to her hips, and she tips her head.
Jesus, she’s serious.
I sigh, trying to school my expression. I really don’t have time for this right now.
My shoulders fall, and she lifts her arms again, clapping three times, only slower, all our friends looking at her curiously. Their gazes following her line of sight to where I’m standing, but I don’t shift my attention their way. I’d bet Mason’s mom is eating this up.
Paige gives a slow nod, as if encouraging me, and I swallow.
Fine, all right. What could it hurt?
A long breath leaves me and I shake my head in thought. “What am I grateful for in this moment?” I whisper to myself, panic slipping in when I can’t find anything.
Shit.
It’s not working.
I can’t do this.
I lift my arms as if to say,I tried. She frowns, stepping down the stands, bringing herself a little closer even though she’s still so far away.
Paige’s lips move, but I have no idea what she’s saying, and my ears start to ring.
But then she claps three times, pointing to her right.
My eyes move that way, landing on the Johnsons, Lancasters, Cameron, Payton, and of course, Little D. My family by association.
My family by choice.
Instantly, my mind returns to my dad, and while my chest squeezes in his absence, something else settles within me. I can’t name it, but I’m afraid I’ll lose it if I look away from the tiny blond thirty or so yards away.
My eyes don’t leave hers as I pull in a long breath, my rib cage shaking as I do.
“I’m grateful my dad gets to see me play, even if only on TV.” The words leave me before I realize I’ve thought them. The moment they do, an instant, almost overwhelming sense of determination flows through me. “I amsofucking grateful my dad gets to watch me play today.” I clap my hands three times.
Paige’s smile is almost too much to look at, the pride there undeserved but so fucking welcome. She cups her mouth, giving a little whoop that gets lost in the noise, but I hear it on the inside. Where it matters.
I hear and I hold on to it, and then I play a game that will go down in the Avix University record books, a smiling blond flashing through my mind as I do.
The next morning, when I’m sitting on the tailgate of my truck in an empty parking lot, I pull out my phone and type a quick message before I can talk myself out of it, putting it on silent the second I hit Send.
I might regret it later, but at this moment, it feels right.
That’s the thing, though, isn’t it?
Regret never asks for permission. It just shows up, blindsiding you before you even have the chance to see it coming.
“Why do you keep looking at your phone?”
I drop it to the picnic-style table, face down, finding both my friends frowning at me over steaming hot pizza. I want to lie, but I’ve been doing that so much and I’m tired of it.
