Page 110 of My Merry Mistake
“A truth universally acknowledged,” he says, and I admire thePride and Prejudicereference.
“Sorry I disappeared for a second,” I say, feeling off. Guilty. Conflicted. Do I need to tell Justin that I almost let Finn kiss me?
“No problem.” He smiles. It’s a kind smile. A safe smile. Not the kind of smile that releases a flock of geese in my rib cage.
Maybe I just need to recommit to the plan. A plan that seemed so good, sorightat the beginning. It made total sense on paper. The perfect solution to my loneliness. No emotion, just business.
But even as the thought enters my mind, I imagine that a life with Justin wouldn’t look a whole lot different from my life these past several years.
Maybe you can’t cure loneliness without actual connection.
That thought stops me in my tracks. Because if it’s true, then all of this has been for nothing. Because I’m not willing to risk an actual connection.
I can’t.
“Are you ready to go back inside?” he asks.
“Yes, of course.” I lead him back into the house, straight to the kitchen, thankful Finn has apparently parked himself elsewhere.
“Uh, guys, this is Justin.” I look at him. “Justin, these are my sisters, Poppy and Eloise, and our mom, Tammy.”
They all smile and exchange pleasantries.
“Do you like football, Justin?” my mom asks.
“Not Chicago football,” he says. “I’m a Patriots fan, I’m afraid.”
“Well, we won’t hold it against you.” Mom smiles. “Is your family nearby?”
“Yes, they live in Barrington,” he says.
Mom looks at me, then back to Justin. “Will you both be seeing them later?”
“I will be,” Justin says. “We do a quiet, formal meal for Thanksgiving, just my parents and me.”
“Oh,” Mom says with a quick glance at me. “That’ll be nice.”
If she’s worried I’m offended not to be included, she doesn’t have to be. After my episode, he let me off the hook, said he didn’t want to add any unnecessary stress. It was thoughtful.
There’s a shout from the other room, and Justin has a visible reaction. He quickly recovers, laughing at himself. “Sorry, I’m not used to big families.”
“Do you have siblings?” Poppy asks.
He shakes his head. “I don’t.”
“Aw, how sad,” Eloise says, a little pout on her lips.
“I think it suited me, being an only child,” he says. “I like the quiet. I think better when I’m by myself.”
Another raucous cheer from the next room. If Justin weren’t here, I don’t think any of us would’ve noticed it, we’re all so used to the noise when everyone’s together. It’s its own kind of comfort, a reminder that I’m not alone.
Justin’s phone buzzes, and he pulls it out of his pocket. He looks at it, then at me. “Do you mind if I . . .?”
“Of course,” I say.
“Is there somewhere quiet I can go?” he asks, wincing.
I look at Poppy, who grabs a towel and wipes her hands. “Follow me.”
