Page 145 of My Merry Mistake
I’ve shown him too much.I want him too much.
He stops moving, but he doesn’t stop talking. “Maybe you need someone who knows that sometimes you fall apart. Someone who gives you permission to not have everything figured out all the time.”
I shake my head, but his words burrow straight into my soul because there is a part of me, a quiet part at the back of my mind, silently wanting exactly what he’s offering.
“Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll drop it,” he says.
Our eyes meet. My heart is racing, and it’s hard to catch my breath.
But I don’t say anything. Because I can’t lie to him when he so obviously knows the truth.
“Raya,” he says, voice soft. “I know you don’t take me seriously. You think I’m a total screwup, and I get it. I play into that. And I let you believe I treat you the same way I treat everyone, but I don’t.” He moves around in front of me so we’re face-to-face. “This is me throwing my hat in the ring. I’ll go head-to-head with any guy who thinks he can love you better than I can if that’s what you want me to do.” He takes my arms and waits until I look at him. “All I’m asking for is a chance.”
There’s desperation in his voice. And it scares me because it sounds real. And honest. And I can almost believe it could work.
Almost.
“Finn,” I say his name on a sigh. “You know we would be terrible together.”
“Are you kidding?” he says. “We’d be awesome. Weareawesome.”
“We aresodifferent,” I say. “We want different things.”
“I think when it comes to what actually matters, our priorities are pretty much the same.” The words are laced with frustration.
I inhale a slow, deep breath, look him straight in the eyes and say, “You should go.”
Disappointment spreads across his face, but after a beat, he drops his hands, nods, and takes a step back, then grabs his coat off the back of a nearby chair.
I push my hands through my hair. “You don’t want to be with someone like me, Finn.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to be withsomeone like you.” He pauses until I look at him. “I just want to be withyou, Raya. What are you so afraid of?”
I try to swallow, but my throat is dry, and I can’t find the words I want to say.
He stands there for a long moment, then sighs. “Fine. I’ll back off—because you asked me to, but it won’t change how I feel,” he says. “The ball’s in your court now.”
He shrugs his coat on and slips out the door, and it’s only then that I realize I’m holding my breath. I let it out in a long, slow stream and walk over to the window, inching the curtain back slightly, and watch as he gets in his Jeep and slowly pulls away.
Once he’s out of sight, I back away from the window and realize that this changes everything. I can’t keep pretending that this thing between Finn and me is a playful flirtation. His feelings are real.
And as much as I don’t want to admit it, so are mine.
What am I so afraid of?
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Raya
Whatam I doing here?
I’ve been to Comets’ games before, but I don’t usually sit with the girlfriends and wives. Usually, when I’m here, I’m working, and that’s how I prefer it. I know how to be professional.
I do not know how to be casual.
It’s not my favorite feeling, being out of place, but if this past month has taught me anything, it’s that once I get in, the water’s usually fine.
Which is why, when Eloise asked me to come, I said yes.
