Page 138 of Bobby Green
“My house,” he said, voice broken. “You drive, Bobby. I… I don’t even want to be in the car without you.”
They dressed and slipped out of the room. As they went, Reg gave a last look around, at the wretchedly uncomfortable bed and the laundered thin sheets, the tape marks on the floor and the mirror that had witnessed a thousand orgasms or more. He was done with that room. He had no business in there, not as a model. Not anymore. Bobby had known that—so had Dex when he’d asked.
Reg knew it now. He’d found a different life.
It was something he wanted to tell Bobby as Bobby drove, jaw clenched, eyes narrowed, toward Reg’s house.
“The guys kept telling me I was stupid,” he said after a few moments of tense silence.
“They shouldn’t have—”
“No!” Reg interrupted. “I was. I was stupid. About you. About what I heard you say. And afterward, you were going to jail, and I….” Reg closed his eyes. “I felt so bad, Bobby. You have no idea. My sister was in crazy-person jail and you were in regular jail, and I was in the hospital because I was useless. Just fucking useless. And how was I supposed to tell you I still loved you, when I was the person who let all that happen? How was I supposed to make that better?”
Bobby sighed, and some of the tension left his face, his arms, his hands on the wheel.
“Baby, none of it was your doing.”
“But it was,” Reg surprised himself by saying. “I… I should have let her stay, in the spring. I should have grown up and realized—she couldn’t be my big sister anymore. She hadn’t been for years. The kids we were—she wouldn’t have wanted me to take care of her like that, not for as long as I did. We were….” He swallowed hard, because this was a new word to him. “We wereterrorizedby our mom. And then she grew up to do the same thing to me.” Oh God. This hurt. “I should have let her go, Bobby. And I didn’t. And she almost killed you, and she ended up in the shitty place. And it was my fault. I just—”
“Stop.” Bobby reached across the seat and squeezed his knee. “Just… being mad at yourself kept you away from me for two months. I’m the violent criminal, Reg, and I just let it go. You need to let it go.”
“I’m sorry,” Reg said, the words freeing. “I got mad because I thought you weren’t treating me like an adult. But an adult would have made that decision sooner, and I’m sorry.”
Bobby let out a half laugh. “Growing up happens to us all,” he said softly. “Are you going to kick me out?” he asked, surprising Reg.
“No!”
“Are you going to wake up one day and blame me for your sister being gone?”
And Reg saw where he was going. “No,” he said soberly.
“Do you forgive me for saying you couldn’t do it?” Bobby’s voice throbbed, and Reg could hear it—the pain of that decision. The pain of admitting Reg couldn’t do it all.
“Do you forgive me for not admitting it sooner?” Reg asked. He felt like Bobby had more to forgive.
“Done,” Bobby said softly. “Done that night, waiting for my mom in jail. All the good things I love about you—they had a part in not wanting to let V go. It’s why I had the balls to do what I did today. Because you don’t give up.”
Reg found himself wanting to laugh forever and ever. “Idon’t give up?” he chortled. “Idon’t give up? Oh my God, kid! Last year this time, I thought I wasstraight! You damned near cuddled me into falling in love!”
Bobby chuckled. “Well, we use the gifts God gave us.”
“No,” Reg said, suddenly sober. “God gave you a ten-inch cock, Vern Roberts. You gave yourself kindness. And….” He struggled for the words. “Don’t-give-up-ness. And forgiveness. And that thing you do where you fix my house when nobody’s looking. All the good shit—that’s you.”
“Cock helps,” Bobby said, but his lips were quirking, and Reg knew he was kidding.
“I can buy the cock online,” Reg said, not kidding even a little. “The Bobby that comes with it—he’s got to be mine in his heart or it’s no good without him.”
“I am,” Bobby said softly. He pulled up to Reg’s house and turned in his seat before turning off the motor. “I am. Baby, I was waiting for you, was all. Your whole life changed in one night.”
Reg swallowed and felt his shame cut deeply. “I’m sorry I told you to fuck off,” he said, voice rasping. “I’m sorry I felt so bad about it I couldn’t even look at you.”
“I’m sorry I broke your heart,” Bobby said, cupping his cheek. “Because I know you heard me say you couldn’t do it, couldn’t take care of her, and….” His lower lip wobbled. “You trusted me, and I let you down.”
“No.” Reg trapped his hand. “You were doing the grown-up thing when I couldn’t. I was the one who let you down. I’ll never do it again.”
Bobby nodded. “It’s okay if you do,” he said softly. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be all grown-up at once. I didn’t fall for Dex or John. I fell for you.”
Reg smiled, feeling it glow from the inside out. “Damned if you didn’t.” And then Bobby pulled him in for a kiss.
