Page 122 of String Boys
“Because you’re right. I do love you. And I don’t love you any less after tonight. And I won’t love you any less when you leave. It’s going to take time, you understand? And maybe when you’re in Italy and not… not in my truck four times a week, saying things that don’t make any sense to anybody but the people who know you, maybethenI can fall in love with someone else. But right now, I just want one kiss, so when I kiss someone else, I know what it’s like to kiss someone I love.”
“Okay.”
Guthrie swallowed quickly, like he hadn’t expected that. “Okay?”
Seth gave a wobbly smile and grabbed his stuff first, because he could see the exit was going to be everything here. “Good night, Guthrie,” he said, his lips quirking just a little. “I had a really nice time. The meal was wonderful. And I really enjoyed your company.” His voice hitched at this next part. Maybe because it was a little true. “It would be nice to do it again sometime.”
Guthrie nodded, like he understood this game. “Good night, Seth. I had a great time too. I loved getting to know you some more. I’d love to do it again sometime too.”
He lowered his head then, and Seth closed his eyes, accepting the warmth of Guthrie’s mouth on his. He didn’t expect the attraction or the urge to respond, but he opened his mouth and let the kiss deepen, giving back some, letting Guthrie cup his cheek and tangle tongues together.
Guthrie pulled back then, his eyes bright and shiny. “That was real good,” he whispered.
Seth nodded. He knew now—knew it didn’t have to be Kelly to make his body feel good. But he also knew kissing anybody else but Kelly only made his heart lonelier than the moon.
“You’re a really good kisser,” he said, lips twisting. “Drive safe, Guthrie. Text me when you get home. I don’t have many friends I care about like I care about you. I need you to keep safe.”
“Will do.”
Seth slid out of the truck with his clothes and his violin case in hand, and waved as Guthrie pulled away.
He got back to his dorm room and pulled out his phone, unsurprised to see a text from Kelly.
So, how’d recording go?
Good. Butch thinks we’ll make some money there.
How’s Guthrie?
Seth swallowed. He never could hide things from Kelly.
He decided to walk away. I gave him a kiss goodbye—I hope that’s okay.
The phone buzzed in his hand.
“Areyouokay?” God, his voice sounded so good. So warm. Seth’s eyes spilled over again.
“Not really. I mean, we’re still going to be friends but… but it hurt. I hurt him. I didn’t ever want to hurt him.”
“Yeah, baby. I know.”
“He asked me how I knew I loved you.”
He heard Kelly’s gasp on the other end. “What did you say?”
“I said you were a perfect chord. You were so beautiful you made light and sound better. Looking at you, I heard the best music, the kind not even angels can play.”
Kelly let out what sounded to be a half-broken laugh. “Wow. That’s how you feel about me?”
“Yeah. I’ll be honest, Kelly. If I didn’t know what I feel about you, I’d be tempted to say what I felt for him was love.”
“But it’s not, right?”
Seth’s heart constricted. “No, baby. Just as a friend. Like I love Amara. You’re… you’re Kelly. It’s like comparing Folsom Lake to the ocean.”
“It’s a good thing you’ve got game, Seth, or I’d be worried.”
Seth couldn’t laugh. “It’s not a game,” he said roughly. “This thing in my chest, for you. I mean… it’s been there so long, right? We were kids. It’s been… what? Five years? And you’d think it would get weaker. Like, we see each other maybe twice a month. But it’s not. It’s getting worse. It’s getting more painful to be gone. It’s getting harder every time we have to walk away. And most days, I can put a damper on it, I can muffle the sound of my heart screaming. But… but tonight my nerves are all raw, and I can’t… I can’t make it silent tonight. I’m sorry—”
