primal sort of scream was ripped bleeding from his chest, and he came
and came and came, as Christian spasmed around him.
He couldn"t seem to stop kissing Chris. Small, tender, pepper-
sprinkled kisses scattered on his cheeks and his chin and his nose and his
forehead and his lips. The last one on the lips, Chris stopped him, opened
his mouth, and let Xander plunder, and Xander did, a sort of desperate,
mangled softness in the touching.
Finally, they had to stop. Xander rolled to his side and pulled Chris
next to him. He reached behind him and gasped as he divested himself of
what felt to be a pound of stainless steel up his keester. He let it drop on
the nightstand to clean later, and then they just lay still. Their breathing
evened out, and they grew quiet as Chris pulled the comforter over their
hips.
“That was a surprise,” Xander said quietly, and Chris nodded his
head and burrowed his face into Xander"s chest.
“The other way hurt so much,” Chris murmured in explanation. “I
thought I"d try something else this time.”
Xander nodded, like that made sense, but lovemaking had left him
open, vulnerable, and susceptible to stoically hidden pain. His vision
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89
grew blurry, and he dropped a kiss in Chris"s hair, and then a tear, and
then another one of each. He felt tainted, and soiled, and like he"d
corrupted that entire wonderful moment between the two of them.
There was a reason they tried not to touch on the third game day of
the month.
But he wouldn"t taint the moment further by recrimination, or by
reprimand. It was bad enough that the pressure bandage had been ripped
off by the act of making love, and the wound was open and bleeding and
infected and it hurt too much to bear.