Page 94 of The Locker Room

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or situations, and Xander had let him think that.

It wasn"t until they"d moved into the big monstrosity overlooking

Folsom Lake that Chris had realized that the dreams were a heart-

pounding, body-shaking, head-exploding reality for Xander every single

day of his life.

One morning, about three months into their first season with the

Kings, after Chris had crooned over Xander"s sweating shoulders, and

Xander had finally calmed down, he"d finally asked the hard question.

“What do you dream about, Xan?”

“Being alone in a box.”

And Chris had breathed in and out deeply, and kissed his temple. “I

forget,” he murmured. “I forget that your life didn"t just start when you

moved in with us. I forget that you had a long time to be afraid.”

“I should be past this,” Xander had confessed, still struggling to

breathe, and Chris had soothed him until the shakes had faded.

“You"ll never be past it,” he said, when Xander had finally groaned

and turned into his warmth. Chris skated his hands over the breadth of

Xander"s shoulders, and because Chris was so broad himself, Xander felt

protected, and almost delicate. “I mean, they may fade, Xander, but…

you….” He exhaled softly. “You went through a lot of pain, baby.

You… you were starving that first night, you know? I didn"t realize it

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then, you were just the best new friend I"d ever had. But I think about it

now, and….” Chris"s voice grew fragile. “Your hands were shaking. You

were trying not to just wolf chicken at our dinner table, and your hands

were shaking as you fed yourself.”

Xander had struggled to sit up, because it sounded as though Chris

were the one who needed comfort now, but Chris was firm, and kept

Xander"s face pressed into his middle, and kept up that sweet, steady

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