Page 36 of Constantly Cotton
Cotton wrapped his arms around Jason’s shoulders and held him firm and tight, like a lover who needed aftercare.
Long moments stretched between them, Jason locked in his arms, shivering, holding on for dear life, Cotton doing the unimaginable and supporting him, holding him, making him safe.
“I want you,” he whispered in Jason’s ear. “I want you healthy, and I want you willing, but mostly I want you to touch me in any way you can. You decide what you want us to do tonight. I’ll be there. I’m not sleeping anywhere else but your bed, not while we’re here. You need to decide what you’re going to do with me, because you’ve got me until the world rips you out of my arms.”
Jason gave a faint moan, and Cotton helped him over to the kitchen chair and settled him down again.
“Now, what do you want for dinner?” he asked.
Jason groaned and put his head in his arms. “A brain,” he muttered. “A response. The willpower to say no.”
Cotton crouched down beside him. “Have you found the willpower?” he asked seriously. “Consent is important to my people.”
Jason gave a beleaguered little laugh. “Consent should be important to everybody. And to answer your question, not yet. The thought of sleeping on the sofa when you’re in the other room makes me want to cry.”
The statement was so very close to how Cotton had been feeling as he’d splashed water on his face that he found a peaceful smile stealing over his features.
“Good, then,” he said happily. “We don’t have to worry about it. We both know where we’ll be sleeping tonight, and we both know that touching is very much on the table.” His smile faded, and he gave Jason a stern look. “Probably not much else until you’re one-hundred-percent. There is a shit-ton of orange juice in that refrigerator. The fresh stuff too. You should be really excited about that, because it means we’reseriousabout getting you healthy.”
Jason gave a little hiccup, head still in his arms. “Good to know,” he said.
Cotton flashed him a benign smile, recognizing his irony but dismissing it. “I think you’re nervous,” he said decisively. “Because it’s been so long. Why has it been so long, anyway?”
“Because I got promoted,” Jason mumbled. “I had my tech degree, I signed on for OCC.”
“OCC?”
“Officer Candidate Course. It means I went through boot camp, and then I went through another boot camp, but that one training me about chain of command and how to lead men into battle.”
Cotton caught his breath. “That’s… that’s scary.”
“Well, there was a few months between them, but, you know. Had a double major. Electronics and business management. I’d planned to be a startup entrepreneur.”
Cotton literally turned and stared at him. “You—I don’t understand. Like, that’s… that’s not just a one hundred eighty degree turn in life, that’s a one hundred eighty degree turn insomeone else’slife. What would make you do that?”
Jason blew out a breath. “My sister, Jessica.”
“You have a sister named Jessica?” Cotton thought miserably of his own sister, ten years his junior. Did she ever miss him? She’d been seven when he’d been kicked out. He used to love to sit in her room and color with her because she’d say the most outrageous things. Did she remember that?
“Yes,” Jason said with a smile. “Hey, thirty, forty years ago, Jessica and Jason were very en vogue as baby names. But she’s about four years older than I am, and she’s the first one who knew I was gay, and she held my hand during the whole coming out thing, which was horrific twenty years ago, I’m not going to lie. My parents were good, though. They didn’t understand it. Awkward question time, but, you know. Parents.” He gave a little grunt. “Anyway, she used to visit me when I was at college. She’d gotten her degree in nursing, and we used to joke that one of us was doing the altruistic thing and the other one of us was doing the douchey money thing, and I’d take her on fabulous vacations when she blew out her back on the floor.”
Cotton snorted. “Well, at least you got along.”
Jason looked sad. “Still do. I just….” He sighed. “I don’t visit as often as I’d like. She… she doesn’t know what I do now. Nobody does, outside of a small circle.” A grin flitted across his mouth under his beard. “Of which you are one. But I miss her. She’s funny. And a really good person.”
“Is she still a nurse?” Cotton asked.
He grimaced. “Yes and no. She teaches nursing at a vocational school outside of San Diego. She got her professorship after the accident.”
“Accident?” Cotton asked, suddenly concerned for this woman he didn’t know.
“Yeah.” Jason nodded. He’d set the monitor up on the counter by the door to the kitchen as they spoke. Now he stood and was wiping down the umber-stained wood and putting placemats on it in anticipation of dinner. The constant movement was automatic and precise. Cotton was suddenly aware that Jason’s quiet competence was actually indicative of a rather amazing mind. He’d been bantering with Burton as he’d hooked up their surveillance equipment and had put away his tools neatly in what looked like a plain packing box that he’d apparently compartmentalized with cardboard left over from supplies Burton had brought him.
Cotton was lucky if he remembered to put on shoes in the morning.
He’d already been hanging on to every word Jason Constance uttered, but now he was doing it in desperation.
He really didn’t want to screw up emotionally here when it looked like Jason was telling him something painful and important.
