Page 25 of Sean's Sunshine
“You have a heart murmur?”
“Yeah, like I said. Kept me out of the military.”
“Aren’t youbulimic? You told me that, right? Eating disorder? You have video conferences with your shrink, calorie diary, all the good shit. I didn’t say anything. I figured, ‘Oh, hey, this kid’s got his act together. He’s trying to fix himself. I don’t need to butt my big fat nose into his business.’ But you have aheart murmur. Do you have any idea how bad that can get?” Sean didn’t yell—he couldn’t—but Billy heard the emphasis even without the yelling.
And realized he’d been caught, damned near with his fingers down his throat.
“It’s not like I do meth,” he defended weakly. “I mean, yeah, it’s self-destructive. It’s why I’m trying to quit!”
Sean shook his head, looking likehemight be the one to burst into tears, which was how Billy felt too.
“C’mon,” Billy cajoled. “Don’t get all mad. I keep trying to tell you I’m a worthless asshole—”
“I meant what I said,” Sean whispered, “when I said there was more to you than porn. I thought you knew that. That I was sincere.”
And now Billy couldn’t even talk. He sat heavily in the chair by the bed and scrubbed his face with his hand. “Best damned thing anybody’s ever said to me,” he said finally. “Please don’t take it back.”
Sean swallowed hard and nodded. “Please keep up with all the work. Don’t…. I walked under an overhang, Billy. Rivers, Henry, Cramer, and I, we all had an exciting day, and we had lunch, and we talked about the case with the kids, and I… I walked into the thruway at the law office, from light to dark to light again, and the light blinded me, and I didn’t see the guy until the knife was between my ribs. It was so sudden. There was nothing I could do. You… you have something you can do. To not have your heart stop. To keep breathing. Don’t… don’t fuck it up, okay?”
Billy nodded. “Okay,” he rasped.
“Go… go have pizza with your guys,” Sean whispered. He let out a yawn that could not have been good for his healing lungs. “I… my brain is too full, and my heart is too full, and I don’t have any wind to talk.”
“Okay,” Billy whispered again. He stood to leave, but Sean made a noise from the bed. “What?”
“Remember… that thing you did last night?” he asked, looking a little sheepish.
And Billy knew exactly what he was talking about. “You remember that?”
“Yeah. Could you…?”
“Yeah.” He turned back toward the bed and bent to softly kiss Sean on the temple. And it was like the touch was magic. It soothed his anger at Constance—at all military men, in general—and his frustration that Cotton had, once again, gotten his heart broken, but this time from a better-quality guy.
And Sean sighed and relaxed against the comforter, his head on the pillows, and closed his eyes in sleep.
BILLY LEFTthe room and was surprised to find Jackson waiting for him in the hallway.
“How’s he doing?” Jackson asked, green eyes compassionate.
“Doctor says he’s healing okay. The wildfire smoke isn’t helping.” Billy grimaced. “Which means he’s going way too slow, and he wants to do more.”
Jackson chuckled. “That’s about right.”
“Everybody,” Billy said, remembering the words of Sean’s mysterious Russian friend. “Everybody needs to be a fuckin’ hero.”
“Well, yeah.” Jackson Rivers had been through hell. Billy had seen some of it, in the news and in person, and was aware that there was a significant, painful past in his rearview. Somehow it made his wicked smile a thing of beauty. “It’s a sickness. I’m just glad that the living sitch seems to be working out.”
Billy gave a one-shouldered shrug that he must have picked up from Sean. “Got my own room and three squares a day—”
“I know how you people eat—it’s more like three dots a day. But I meant you being a friend to Sean. I think….” Jackson frowned. “I think he’s been so focused on his career that until us, his only other friend was Andres. And not that Andres isn’t a great guy, but….”
Billy thought of Sean’s partner, a trim, meticulously groomed guy in his late thirties who was dedicated to the job and madly devoted to his wife and kids.
“He’s not quite in Sean’s place,” Billy said, remembering Jackson’s words about Cotton and the colonel.
“No, he’s not. I think they’re good partners, though. And I personally love the guy. But if anybody tells you there’s a rainbow contingent in the police department—”
“They’re lyin’ out their ass,” Billy said, nodding. “Yeah. I got it.”
