Page 29 of Sean's Sunshine
Sean shrugged. “It didn’t feel like that. Not until my dad died, anyway.”
There was a loaded silence then, and Billy let out a long breath. “I want to ask what happened when your dad died, but it’s getting late, and it’s been… it’s been a weird day. What I really want to do is get you some of that cold watermelon and eat it in the living room and make a plan for talking to all the neighbors around the park, and then watch your stupid cop show with you while I try to get some homework done. Is that… is that okay? Do I lose my empathy card for that?”
“No, that’s fine,” Sean said, feeling an acute sense of relief. Like Billy said, it had been a strange, emotionally laden day—and apparently, his cop sense reallywasgetting rusty if he’d been paying attention to Isabel and Allison instead of to a rash of robberies in the area.
But Billy paused as he was standing up to go get them food. “You and your brotherdidmake up, though, right?” And he sounded like it was important to him.
“Yeah,” Sean said with a smile. “Night of Dad’s wake. All Dad’s cop buddies were in the house getting plastered on whiskey, and Charlie grabbed a six-pack of beer and sort of nodded me over. We were both living on our own by then, but we went up to our old room—same bunk beds but all of mom’s craft stuff—and we got really buzzed. And Charlie told me he’d been dumb and confused and embarrassed, and he cried and apologized. And I told him….”
“What?” Billy asked. “The guy deserted you when you needed him. What could you possibly have to say to him?”
Sean felt it. This was personal to Billy, and he wonderedso hardwhat this kid’s story was. He regretted giving them a pass from the hard emotions now; hewantedthe tough stuff. Buthewas supposed to be the grown-up.
“I said I was sorry Dad hit him. I didn’t want him to be forced to be my brother.”
Billy’s eyes shot open, and then they grew shiny. “What’d he say?” he asked, voice gruff.
Sean laughed a little and shook his head. “Mushy stuff. We were three beers down by then, and it was my turn to go steal the next round. We’d hit ‘I love you, man! I love you too!’ so I stole another six-pack from the wake—which was still roaring by then, let me tell you—and we woke up brothers again.”
Billy’s mouth pulled up, like he was trying to chuckle, but it didn’t make it the entire way to a smile. “That’s a good story,” he said. “Why do you hate that story?”
“I hate the part in the middle,” Sean told him. “I hate the part where my brother wasn’t a good guy all the way through. I hate that my dad felt like he had to defendmefrom Charlie with violence. I just….” He’d never been able to state this—it felt too big.
“You said you used to be a judgy fucker,” Billy said. “Like, an asshole cop, right?”
Until he’d crushed hard on Ellery Cramer, yes, he had been. “Yeah.”
“And then you learned what you didn’t know and felt dumb?”
“So fucking dumb.”
“That’s why you don’t like the story,” Billy said decisively. “You like your good guys good and your bad guys bad. Otherwise it hurts your brain. But your people—hell,allpeople—they’re not like that. We’re all mixed up like that. Good and bad. Angels and devils. I mean, I’m a whore, and you hate that. But I’m also a waiter and a student, and this last month I’ve been your nurse. That part’s not so bad. That’s why you hated that story. ’Cause it hurts your brain, but your heart still knows your dad’s not a bad guy and your brother’s okay. It’s hard.”
Hunh. Sean almost caught himself making the sound and then realized it was a Jackson Rivers sound. Damn that guy.
“I’ll take my watermelon now,” he said instead.
Billy grinned. “Yeah. I had a couple of pieces.Nothinglike the sweet kind of watermelon when it’s all cold.”
The kid wassoright.
For a few moments they sat and ate in silence as the long afternoon shadows stretched over the darkened room, and then Billy said, “So, Mr. Detective Cop-Man, how do we do an investigation?”
Sean gave him a smile and swallowed the divine bite of cold fruit in his mouth. “You looking for a hobby?”
Billy grinned. “Why not? You’re a smart guy. I’d love to bask in your smartness.”
Sean’s laugh felt freeing, if still a little weak. “First I text Andres and have him run police reports on the neighborhood. Then tomorrow, when we’re petting all the dogs, we start talking to the owners.” He gave Billy a sly look. “I’ll take the big dogs and you take the Chihuahuas.”
Billy grimaced. “I hate being a cultural stereotype.”
“It’s so adorable I could cry. It’s like the reverse of toxic masculinity. All these macho guys going, ‘Gotta have a giant fuckin’ dog!’ and you’re like, ‘Small dogs love me.’”
Billy had to hold his hand in front of his mouth as he tried not to spit watermelon all over the couch. “You asshole,” he choked when he’d mostly recovered.
“Well, we know ‘woke cop’ couldn’t last,” Sean said modestly. “Anyway, we each play to our strengths, and when we’re done, we compare notes.”
“Solid plan,” Billy said, nodding. “What are we asking about?”
