Page 51 of Sean's Sunshine
“There. I called my phone, and I’m going to give everybody your phone number. But not Dad, because don’t worry. Once Mom filed the restraining order, went to the priest and got an annulment, he hasn’t been back. Apparently the fact that the priest thought he was garbage was enough to make him stay away and stay drunk or whatever.” She shook her head, and again, that bitterness he hadn’t remembered tinged her movements. “I don’t care. ButyouI care about. Get your guy home. Get your head in a place where you can eat cookies. And be prepared for me and Corazon and Teresa and Mom to start pestering you about your life, because….” Her voice broke a little, and she stood on her tiptoes, her feet still bare on the ragged blacktop, and kissed his cheek. “God, Guillermo, we all missed you so bad. Even Miguel and Roberto, and don’t let them pretend they’re too badass to admit it. I’m so glad to see you.”
She wiped under her eyes with her hand and waved at him. “Go,” she sniffled. “Just go.”
And he did.
Lingering Touches in the Shadows
SEAN REALLYwas tired—but not so tired that he couldn’t feel the pulse of anxiety emanating from Billy’s—Guillermo’s—body as they walked through the garage and into the duplex.
“Go lay down,” Billy said crisply. “I’ve got—”
But Sean stopped him and grabbed his hand, then continued his journey down the hall with Billy in tow.
“Where am I going?” Billy asked, and Sean was relieved to hear some humor in his voice.
“You’re going to lay down with me until I fall asleep, and talk.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Billy muttered.
“You don’t have to,” Sean replied shortly. “Just come talk to me. Anything. Let’s open the drapes, because it’s pretty outside, and lie on the bed, and touch. It’ll be fine. The earth won’t move. Heavens won’t open. And I’ll fall asleep.”
And you’ll feel like the world isn’t closing in, crushing the breath out of you.
Sean knew that feeling, that look on Billy’s face. The feeling of family sitting on your chest. He’d felt it his entire senior year when Charlie couldn’t even look at him. He’d felt it his first two semesters of the criminal justice program, when his father gave him anguished looks over the dinner table because he was afraid Sean’s sexuality would get him killed on duty. Billy had other demons—and other memories—but Sean knew, without a doubt, that he needed someone to help him get those elephants off his chest.
“Sure,” Billy said. “That’s five minutes out of my life.”
“You’ll never miss it.”
They got to the bedroom, and Sean slowed down long enough to undress, taking his shoes off and putting them in the closet and his jeans off to fold over the chair. He was bent over slightly, getting his sleep pants out of the drawer, when Billy’s warmth along his back soothed the urgency from his blood.
“We didn’t get lunch,” Billy murmured, trailing intimate lips along Sean’s neck.
“We can have an early dinner,” Sean said, turning into his chest and wrapping his arms around Billy’s waist so he could lean his head against Billy’s chest. “And this is wonderful.”
“Mmm.” Billy took a deep breath. “I told Lily you were my boyfriend. I know it’s too soon, but I didn’t want to explain.”
“Mmm. New,” Sean said. He got it. He’d never been of the “one blowjob equaled an engagement” school himself, but he’d also known—and made clear—that he didn’t take physical intimacy lightly. The situation between them was odd; they’d become so emotionally intimate in the span of five weeks that the physical intimacy seemed secondary.
And yet so important.
“I don’t mind,” he said. “I am unimportant to how you and your family interact. If you want to see them, get involved with them again, I will make the visits and have the lunches if you need me to. Or I’ll stay hidden here while you pretend I don’t exist.”
“Hey!” Billy pulled back from him. “I’m not your douchebag ex—and don’t confuse us either. If I’m gonna be out to my family, I’m gonna be out. None of this ‘Yeah, I’m gay, but this is my good friend who’s wearing my shirt’ bullshit.”
A weight on Sean’s own chest lightened. “Understood.”
“No,” Billy muttered, still clearly miffed. “Not understood. You…. I mean, my dad beat the shit out of me, and that sucked, but your dad made you think that being gay was all fine as long as it didn’t make waves, and that’s a different kind of suck.”
Sean grimaced because he was right, but before Sean could say anything, he kept talking.
“Besides, Lily was all excited about you. I… when I go back, I think I sort of need to go back with a boyfriend, so, uhm, even if we’re not there yet, I appreciate you letting it slide.”
“Who says we’re not there yet?” Sean asked softly.
Billy frowned. “We’re exclusive,” he said, and then looked away.
“Except for work.” Sean tried not to sigh. He got it in a way, because Billyhadbeen left high and dry before, and he had a right to not depend solely on Sean for support. But… gah. Sex. Sex was such a big deal, drilled into every Catholic boy from catechism on. It was the hallmark of a relationship, right?
