Page 67 of Sean's Sunshine
“Turlock,” Sean said dryly.
“Southwestof hell’s asshole,” Billy retorted. “I stand corrected.” He raised the garage door, and they both were silent as he pulled in and then shut the door behind them. He killed the engine, and it was just the two of them with the silence and the honesty that had driven them since the day Billy had become his reluctant nurse—and then so much more.
“So,” Sean said into the closeness of the garage, “why are we going to the flophouse for Thanksgiving?”
Billy swallowed. “Because… because I think, no matter what happens between you and me, I think it might be my last Thanksgiving and Christmas with these particular brothers.” He let out a sigh. “That doesn’t mean I won’t see them again. I mean, I’m tight with everyone except Vinnie, the new guy, really, but see?” He turned in his seat. “We’re all moving on. Me and Curtis are going to Sac State next fall, instead of Sac City. Cotton’s going down south to nursing school. And even if Randy’s stuck in porn for a while, I think he’s going to find his way too. He’s ready to grow up—you can see it.”
Sean nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed softly.
“And for two years these guys were my family. I mean, there were others. We might ask Zep and Fisher if they wanna come by. You wouldn’t know those guys—they left in July. But….”
“It’s like college graduation,” Sean said, getting it. “Your guys are graduating, and things are going to change.”
Billy nodded. His eyes, when they fell on Sean’s face, were bright and shiny. “It’s getting time for us all to grow up,” he said. “Last night? You and me? That was… that was grown-up. That was so much more important in my heart than anything else I’ve ever done with my body. I… I can’t go back after that. I can’t move back into the flophouse and fuck everything with knees again. It woulddishonorthat thing we did last night. You understand?”
Sean’s throat tightened, his chest too. For a moment, he was back to six weeks ago, where he could barely breathe. “I do,” he rasped.
“But….” Billy bit his lip. “This is gonna sound stupid to you, but this last scene…. I promised Dex and John. I mean, guys bail on their contracts all the time, but you saw.” He looked away. “You saw my family, all the fuckin’ promises my dad made that he tried to keep with a backhand or a sock to the stomach. Johnnies—they’ve done me better than that.” He grunted. “Besides, I’m still getting my health insurance from them. I need at least two months to figure out how to stay with this shrink, ’cause I’m telling you, if I hadn’t wired your duplex for sound, I’d be destroying your plumbing tonight.” He put his hand on his stomach. “I amnotfeeling good about everything I ate, and my usual MO for that sort of thing was to throw it all up.”
Sean wondered if there was any sort of safety device he needed for that roller-coaster drop in the conversation. “That’s both appalling and good to know,” he said, mildly nauseated now himself.
Billy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but you yelled at me about my heart, and I’ve already got one big lie in with my family that I refuse to correct. I need to learn how to just kick back with an antacid and learn moderation,” he said.
Amen to that. “Yeah,” Sean said, his mouth twitching up for a moment. Then because it needed to be said, “And last night was important to me too. I usually work over Thanksgiving, but this is my first year as a detective, so I think Andres was going to have me over. But….” His smile reached a little further this time. “I’m so excited to be planning holidays with you. I know it’s stupid, but it anticipates us being together when they come.”
Billy’s expression grew suddenly sober. “We’re doing this, aren’t we?”
Sean nodded. “Yeah. We’re doing this.”
The soberness turned to a frown. “Are we telling people? Are you telling Christie or Rivers? Do I tell the flophouse?”
“We do what we do,” Sean said. “People will figure it out.”
Billy shook his head. “So secret, right? Until you trust me.”
Sean blinked. “No. No, that’s not—”
“It’s fine,” Billy said, and the hell of it was, he didn’t sound resentful in the least. He sounded like he’d expected this. “Just… you know.” And those cynical eyes with that hard jaw were suddenly vulnerable and soft and absolutely naked. “Let me know if you need me to move out or anything.”
Oh God. “C’mere,” Sean murmured, leaning forward to kiss him. A kiss. Another. And more. Billy pulled back with a groan, leaning his forehead against Sean’s as they steamed the car’s windows.
“We should go inside,” Billy panted.
“Yeah, but you gotta know…. I’m not going to make you leave, Billy. You have the spare room. It’s yours. You have my bed, for as long as you want it. It’s yours. I—”
“I have a scene this week,” Billy said bleakly. “You… you can’t make promises about anything until you know how you feel about that scene. You can’t.” His voice rose sharply, and Sean realized how much this had been haunting him. “I can’t take it if—”
If someone he was regarding as family rejected him.
“Then let’s go to bed,” Sean murmured. “And when the scene comes and goes and we’re still standing, we’re still here, then you’ll believe me, okay?”
“Don’t you want me to be faithful?” Billy asked, his voice ringing bitterly. “Don’t you want me to be yours?”
“Of course I do!” For once Sean was grateful for his injury because it kept him from shouting. He pulled in a painful breath—and then another. “Jesus, Billy, I don’t like the idea of what you’ll be leaving me to do. But right now, with you, it’s better than… God. A thousand nights of Jesse going, ‘At least I don’t cheat,’ or some guy I’m only sort of meh about talking about how our stock portfolios could let me retire early.”
Billy pulled back and frowned. “You’ve had those dates? I thought they were only in sitcoms.”
“Yes, I’ve had them, butthat is not the point.”
