Page 68 of Sean's Sunshine
Billy swallowed. “What is the point?” he asked, suddenly very much in the moment.
“Do you think you’re the only one who thought last night was special?” Sean whispered. “Do you think you’re the only one who wants to plan for Thanksgiving? Or the future? Let’s… let’s do that. Yeah, relationships end. And yeah, we’ve got some roadblocks. But I think it’s worth it to hope, right?”
A faint smile flirted with Billy’s full mouth. “You don’t look all happy and sweet, cop. But you’ve got a good heart.”
“So do you,” Sean told him. “Can we go inside and, you know, make more good moments to outweigh the bad?”
“Yeah.” Billy grimaced and put his hand on his stomach then. “But, uhm, maybe some antacid and TV first. I’m sorry. It’s funny how sex is something you do with your body and shit, but sometimes your body has way other ideas.”
Sean laughed softly. “Guillermo, you are absolutely perfect. Please don’t ever change.”
“Whatever, man. Here, let me help you out.”
Sean didn’t really need the help—not tonight. But he loved the way Billy supported his weight, loved the way they ended up chest to chest, face-to-face. Loved the security of Billy’s hands around his waist as he met Sean’s mouth with his own.
They pulled away again, some of the sadness, the desperation brought on by their conversation fading with this unhurried kiss in the dark.
“I never knew how much I needed to feel safe,” Billy said, “until I realized how much I wantedthis, this thing with us, to not go away.”
Sean leaned his head against Billy’s shoulder. “I never realized how important it was to be a safe person until you said that.”
They stayed there for a few more heartbeats before they made their way into the house.
THE NEXTmorning, Sean walked steadily around the soccer field, Billy at his side, both immersed in their own thoughts. Sean wasn’t sure what was in Billy’s mind, but Sean’s mind was a montage of making love the night before.
There had been no penetration—Sean was still a little sore, and Billy had muttered something about his “window at work.”
“What do you mean, window?” Sean had asked, feeling stupid.
“No sex three days before or after,” Billy said, shrugging. “I go in tomorrow to test.” He let out a tiny, embarrassed sigh. “I think the time period is left over from when it took a lot longer to get results, but Dex and John say over and over again they really want us healthy.”
Sean nodded and fell into the kiss again. They’d been on the couch, necking like teenagers in front of the television, and the moment had been so pure, so easy, he hadn’t wanted to pull the painful things—Billy’s job, his past, even his family—up to talk about.
He’d only wanted that kiss, that moment in time, that feeling of Billy’s cock in his mouth, the joy of Billy’s mouth on him. He’d wanted the pleasure of Billy’s hands on his skin, the sensations of tongue and fist, finger, cock and… oh! Oh! Oh!
Climax, pain and stress free, the two of them twining on the couch, the gloriousness of them.
They’d stumbled down the hall naked after shutting off the lights, locking the door, closing the drapes, and then they’d brushed their teeth and slid into bed, almost tipsy on the lovemaking, on the aftermath of the painful conversation in the car.
Sean went to his customary side because he was used to sleeping that way now, and Billy spooned him, arm securely around his middle.
“Guillermo?” Sean had breathed as sleep took them both.
“Yeah?”
“I’m weak. This—what we just did—that was delicious. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose you snarking at me over breakfast. I don’t want to lose you giving me shit and then being so sweet. Whatever I have to do, whatever I have to say, I’ll do and say it to keep this. To keep you here. I used to think it was a black-and-white line—cheating, no cheating—but the way you touch me, I’ve got to believe it’s special.”
“Oh God. So special,” Billy had whispered. “Sean?”
“Yeah?”
“Keep calling me Guillermo, okay? I like the way you say it.”
“Okay.”
“But only between us. Because it’s special. It’s mine.”
Sean smiled. “Okay.”
