Page 79 of Sean's Sunshine
“And probably pick up dog crap,” Sean breathed. “I just dumped the poor dog in the house.”
“Well, thanks for that, but I guess that’s my job too.”
“Sorry.”
“No you’re not. Nobody’s ever sorry they don’t have to clean up dog poop. Now sit down and let me take care of you, okay?”
“Sure,” Sean rasped, doing exactly what he said. “No problem.”
Best news Billy had heard all day.
AN HOURlater, Sean was lying in bed, the dog had been taken out to the side yard and was lying on his bed, and Billy… well, in spite of having a thousand things hecouldbe doing, Billy was sitting in his customary chair in Sean’s room, watching him sleep.
“I know you’re there,” Sean murmured, his eyes still closed.
“Good for you,” Billy returned without heat.
“What are you thinking about?”
Billy breathed out. “Well, I was thinking about what to cook you for dinner. And then I thought,I would really like a hamburger, ’cause, you know, I haven’t really eaten since Sunday.”
“I can make my own—” Sean began.
“I’m not done,” Billy said, and to his horror, his voice clogged, and he hated that, but there was nothing he could do about it now.
Sean’s eyes opened, and he began to focus. “Carry on.”
“And then I thought, ‘But I really want to make him a hamburger. I want us to sit down together and have a hamburger, and I want him to tell me I did a good job cooking it—’”
“’Cause you would.”
“Of course I would. But back to me thinking, ‘And I want to sit on the couch with him leaning in my arms, and then I want to rub my hands all over his body in bed and see where that leads.’”
“Good places,” Sean murmured.
“The best,” Billy confirmed, his voice growing thicker as he saw Sean’s eyes were totally focused now in the lengthening shadows from the window. “You and me touching only goes good places. And I thought, ‘I want him to forget that douchebag ex—’”
“Hard not to when you, Henry, and Andres scared him away,” Sean said on a rough chuckle.
“He got off easy,” Billy told him. “Henry and I were ready to pound him. I think the only reason that asshole is still up and breathing free air is that Christie showed up and pretended to be the grown-up in the room.”
“Heisthe best grown-up,” Sean agreed.
“But back to you forgetting your douchebag ex, and you and me touching you and sexing you and—”
“Making love,” Sean supplied, his eyes not leaving Billy’s face. The first tear slipped by, and Billy let it and thought that should have been where he stopped and walked away, but he couldn’t seem to leave, couldn’t seem to break this moment when Sean’s big blue eyes drank in his every expression and didn’t judge and didn’t contradict. Sean simply joined his thoughts seamlessly, like fibers spinning together to create yarn.
“Yeah, that,” Billy rasped, and there went the next tear. “And nowhere in any of those thoughts that started with hamburgers and ended with us making love and maybe having a cookie with some milk was the thought, ‘But I can’t because I have to go get naked and have sex with a guy I don’t care about for a paycheck.’ Not once. I mean, I actually pulled the hamburger meat out and was about to make patties so they’d be ready when I was making dinner. And then my phone buzzed, and it was Dex, making sure I was ready to go tomorrow. And he’s never texted me before. I’ve always shown up and done my job and enjoyed it, but tonight he sent me a text, and there I was with a package of hamburger in my hand, and I was thinking….”
He swallowed, not sure if he could go on, and then Sean prompted him softly. “What, Billy? What were you thinking?”
“I can’t,” Billy said, coming completely undone. “I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I… I can’t put sex in a box again. It was in a box, things you did for fun and money.” He made a box with his hands. “But see, me and you touching—that doesn’t go in the box. You and me touching is like the opposite of being in a box. It’s like… freedom. And I’ve tasted freedom, right? And I can’t go back in the box anymore. I can’t… I can’t—”
Sean pushed himself up on the bed and held out his arms. “Come here, Guillermo,” he whispered. “Let me hold you and set you free.”
Billy practically threw himself at Sean, mindless of his healing body, only wanting his comfort, his embrace, his kindness.
His caring. His love.
