Page 39 of Karma Kitty Christmas
“I think the reason he hated music,” he’d said, feeling the memory out, “was that his mom made him attend church a lot when he was a kid. He never said as much, but I think she was literally trying to pray the gay away. When he came out and she told him he couldn’t go back, I think the music was what he missed. He had a nice singing voice—maybe it hurt him to not be able to use it like he had when he was a kid.”
“Yeah, but Isaac, isn’t singing for celebration? Any celebration?” Luca’s soft laugh hadn’t been disparaging, which allowed Isaac to forgive him for what he said next. “I mean, you,me, my sister—we were celebrating today, right? Being happy, being together?”
Isaac remembered that moment in his classroom with Roxy and their students, and how they’d danced like idiots to a fifteen-year-old song, and how… howaffirmingthat had been. For him and Roxy, sure, but for the kids too, because joy was something they had to work not to lose.
“Maybe that was it,” Isaac had murmured. “Todd felt like he had to be perfect to be happy. And he had to makemeperfect so I couldmakehim happy.”
“Yeah. Maybe that’s it. But that’s no fair to you at all, you know?” Luca’s arms tightened around his chest then. “I have the best time with you. I feel like we makeeachotherhappy, even when we’re not perfect.”
Then, it had made Isaac’s eyes burn, but now, on a Friday afternoon that wasn’t so hot it was trying to kill them all, the feeling of Luca’s cool hand on the back of his neck, of Luca in the pool with him period, the idea that you didn’t have to beperfectto be happy, suddenly made Isaachungry.
And not for burgers, although that would probably be good too.
Luca’s lazy smile told Isaac that he was completely transparent, but Isaac didn’t care. He’d been transparent when he’d been younger too, and that had led to frantic hookups in club bathrooms, dizzy nights that ended with waking up in a bed with too many bodies, or bad moments when he couldn’t remember if there had been condoms involved or not.
He wasn’t that kid anymore—reckless, grief-driven, self-destructive.
Helovedhis cozy little life and his house. Hereallyloved Allegra as a roommate. When she wasn’t exhausted or sick, she was much like her brother—kind, funny, genuinely good company. And when shewasexhausted or sick, she was stillkind, funny, and good company; she simply needed caring for. Isaac was surprised to find that he was good at that too. He’d assumed that since Todd had done all thecontrollingin their relationship, that he’d done all thecaringtoo, or that after ten years of spending all his emotion on yarn, of all things, that he wouldn’t know how to care for another person in a basic human way.
But Allegra’s emotions were as all over the place as Roxy’s had been (Isaac remembered those days), and on Roxy’s advice, he used ice cream, funny movies, and cuddles on the couch to help get Allegra through the worst of it. To his surprise, he didn’t resent asingle goddamned minute. Not one. This person appreciated him—his cooking, his yarning, his love of movies, even time he spent reading seemed to make her happy, and she had books on her phone that she settled into when she saw he was in a quiet mood.
He’d never had a roommate like Allegra before, and she came with the added perk of being Luca’s sister.Lucabrought food and ice cream and shared in the comfort duties, and Isaac got to see him, his heart lighting up whenever he heard Luca’s boots thud on the porch, or his swearing as he took them off.
Isaaclovedhis life right now. And he adored his knitting and his cat.
He didn’t want those things to go away.
Staring into Luca’s dark-eyed, playful gaze, it hit him that sex with Luca wouldn’t kill those things. In relentless afternoon sunshine, Isaac thought that maybe lying down in a bed, smooth, cool body to smooth, cool body, would make those things he loved even lovelier.
And wouldn’t it be worth it to try?
“What’re you thinking?” Luca asked softly, his body bumping the floaty Isaac reclined on.
“I’m getting hot,” Isaac murmured, and Luca gave a sexy, throaty chuckle.
“You need to get in the pool hot, or….”
“Or you need to spend the night hot,” Isaac said, not dropping his eyes. Then he frowned. “But the other kind too—here, move and I’ll—whoa!”
Without ceremony, Luca tilted the air mattress and Isaac went tumbling into the pool, the cool of the water surprising and refreshing on his overheated body. He came up sputtering and laughing andsplashing, and Luca whooped and splashed him back. The fight was fierce and epic and ended when Luca seized his hips under water and dragged him closer, and Isaac wrapped his arms around Luca’s neck and raised his face for a kiss, hot and sweet and drugging.
Isaac sighed and melted into him, and Luca wrapped his arms around Isaac’s shoulders and whispered, “You think?”
Isaac’s eyes burned. Fun. This man was so muchfun. And living proof that you didn’t have to be a mess, or irresponsible, or exhausting to be fun.
How much fun could they have together—in bed, in each other’s lives?
God. Isaac had been so cold, soalone, for so long. Didn’t he get to play, laughing, in the sun for a while?
“I think,” he said, resting his cheek against Luca’s bare collarbone. “It’s Friday. You can sleep in tomorrow—we’ll have all the time in the world.”
“Mmm…,” Luca murmured. “And tomorrow, we’re having Nonna and Pop Pop over again. I can help you get ready for once. I can’t wait.”
Isaac wanted to cry. “Sounds perfect,” he said, not sure what the tears were for. Happiness? Excitement? Terrible, gut-wrenching fear that it would all be taken away? Or even worse—prove to be a lie!
It didn’t matter. Luca was holding him so close right now. And tomorrow he’d be hosting family in his home, which was feeling more and morehomeyevery day.
The Sunday before, he and Luca had hit up thrift stores and had found Tiffany bedstand lamps for asteal. During the days Allegra had worked, he’d spent some of his time restoring the lamps, cleaning the glass, researching how to repair the joins, even asking Luca for help when it came to soldering tape, and now the lamps werein his bedroom.
