Page 35 of The Alien Reindeer's Bounty
I can make good soup. Okay, adequate soup. Can I claim to make the soup if I open a can and heat it? Because that’s the quality of soup you’d be getting if you fell on the ice and needed to be nursed back to health. You don’t want that.
She nearly laughed, covering her mouth to hide her grin.Threatening me with subpar soup and care, plus you broke into my house. Someone’s on Santa’s naughty list.She sent her reply before she could question if it sounded too flirty, because it totally sounded flirty.
He responded with a leering red-horned devil emoji.
Oh no, you figured out how to use emojis.
That earned her a GIF of a dancing kitten wearing a sombrero.
She snorted, loud like a pig snuffling happily in the mud.
“What are you doing?” Bonnie asked, suspiciously.
“Nothing.” Odessa pulled her phone into her lap, screen side down. “Ruby is sending me her Christmas wish list. She’s calculated how many times she has to wash the dishes to get a cellphone.”
“Uh-huh.” Bonnie turned away, more interested in her beer than Odessa’s lies.
What are you doing?
What are you doing in my house? she replied.
Manly things with my manly tools, spreading my manliness around.
Don’t spread your man tools around my house. Gross.
My manly tools or my man tool?Another devil emoji.Do you want to see my man tool?
No. Absolutely not.
Okay, only because you asked real pretty-like, which makes this a consensual tool pic,he wrote.
It is not a consensual tool pic. Don’t. You. Dare.
Three dots blinked on the screen. Odessa waited, ready to delete a dick pic but also super curious and more than a little excited.
A well-used red monkey wrench with tape wrapped around the handle filled the screen.
That’s MY monkey wrench, she wrote, giggling.
Giggling.
Actually, I think it’s your father’s, which makes this joke weird, but I’m committed.
Are you fourteen? You think this ridiculous dick joke is funny?
He sent a GIF of a kitten covering its adorable face with its teeny-tiny paws, like it was in shock.You’re laughing.
I am not.
I can tell when you lie, Dessa. You like my manly tool.
He sent another picture, this one with the monkey wrench placed seductively against his mouth while he smoldered for the camera.
“What is so funny?” Bonnie snatched the phone out of Odessa’s hands. “I, uh, I don’t understand what’s going on here.”
“Mads is being stupid.” Broke into her house, did minor chores, and sent a suggestive photo with her father’s tool. “Super stupid.”
“That guy you hate?” Bonnie scrolled up through the text conversation. “Seems like you got over that.”
