Page 24 of Hello Handsome
And even though he was damn near forty, I couldn’t say no to his puppy-dog eyes. Especially because part of me knew I needed it. I didn’t want to burden my boys or my friend with my worries. At least this guy wouldn’t be able to tell anyone.
“I’ll do it,” I said, instantly worried about some stranger picking through my most painful thoughts. But if it meant no more panic attacks, if I wouldn’t let Aggie down when it came time to trying a relationship… If I’d feel less guilty for wanting a relationship with Aggie, I’d do whatever it took.
15
AGGIE
For the next couple months,Gray and I went back to “normal.” At least as normal as things could feel after backing out on a date. Which basically meant I saw him at the diner and nowhere else.
But that was fine because I meant it when I said I needed a life outside of him and my kids and the diner. So when Etta continued to come over for movie nights, I did my best to make it count and open up to her.
I tried some new hobbies, too, starting with embroidery and quickly changing tracks to painting and then trying out new makeup looks from YouTube videos.
On my way to Dallas to get Enzo from the airport, I realized just how different things were. When my kids asked me how I was doing, I wouldn’t just tell them “busy at work.”
Before going to the airport, I stopped to grab Isabella from campus. She lived in the dorms as a resident advisor, which meant her room and board were covered. With her academic scholarships, college wasfreefor her now. I was so proud of her for making her own way.
I parked in the front drive of the eight-story brick building where she lived, taking in the sights. There were flyers in thewindows, students walking along the sidewalk with backpacks slung over their shoulders, a couple at the bus stop kissing like no one was around.
A bittersweet twinge hit my stomach. I was happy Isabella was getting to experience college life and at the same time sad that I never got to.
I reached for my phone to text her and let her know I had arrived, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw her coming out the front metal door. Her long, straight black hair fell over her shoulder. She wore leggings with an orange T-shirt that had the university name splashed across the front.
She was so beautiful and had a big smile on her face as she walked toward me. She climbed into the car, saying, “Hi, Mama!” And it felt like a piece of my heart was finally back in place.
“Hi, baby.” I hugged her across the console, breathing in her sweet perfume. Wasn’t it just yesterday she had soft, wispy hair atop her head with that beautiful baby smell? And just the other day she was experimenting with cotton candy perfume and glittery lip gloss?
“Did you bring the sign?” she asked, ignorant of my nostalgia.
I gestured toward the back seat where it rested and put the car into gear. “Do you mind putting in directions to the airport?”
“Sure thing,” she replied, tapping on her phone. Once the robotic voice was bossing me to our destination, she said, “So, what’s new, Mom?”
My lips tugged up at the question and the answer I had ready. “Etta has been coming over to watch movies. Remember Aiyana’s mom?”
Isabella nodded. “That sounds fun. Anything else?”
“Gray Madigan asked me out, but I told him I wasn’t ready yet…” I watched out the corner of my eye to see her reaction.
Her jaw dropped open, just like I expected. “You told him you weren’t ready?Why?You two have been doing the will-they/won’t-they thing forever!”
Nowmymouth opened wide in shock. Did she really see it that way? “No, we haven’t!” I argued. “I told you and your brother I wouldn’t date until you were both graduated.”
“Well, we’re both graduated, so why aren’t you ready?” she asked.
I bit my lip, considering how to explain this. I was close with my kids, but I also didn’t want them to feel like a burden. “This is the first time in my life I’m living on my own and doing my own thing. It feels wrong to jump into a relationship. That’s why I always tell you there’s nothing wrong with casual dating. There’s no need–”
“I know, I know, there’s no need to get serious about a guy. I need to be serious about myself and my career,” Isabella said like she’d heard it a million times. Maybe she had.
I smiled, because I had taught her well. “Anyway, I want to hear all about you. Tell me everything.”
And since Isa was never short on words, she spent the half-hour drive filling me in on her classes, silly things the freshman dorm residents did, and a guy she was talking to “just casually.” I loved hearing about the life she was building for herself. “I’m proud of you,” I finally said as I parked in the airport’s parking garage. I hoped she never lost herself like I had in motherhood. But I couldn’t turn back time either.
“Thanks, Mama,” she said with a smile.
My heart raced as we walked through the garage and into the airport, toting a sign I’d painted the day before that said WELCOME HOME, CADET.
Isabella and I stopped in the lobby, waiting near the base of the escalators. Passengers moved past like we didn’t exist asthey collected their baggage, arranged rides, and met with their families.
