Page 34 of Hello Handsome
“Just evading,” I teased.
Knox shook his head at me and scanned the grassy hillside dotted with black Angus cattle and yucca plants. The grass was waving in the breeze, bringing the scent of oncoming rain our way. As if deciding something, Knox glanced my way again. “What about you and Miss Agatha? Huh?”
My neck instantly felt hot. “Not going there.”
Knox laughed softly, the sound mingling with the breeze. “You know, we’re okay with you dating again, Dad.”
I ran my fingers over the reins in my hand, using the feel of smooth leather to ground me again because my heart was clenching. Bryce hardly remembered Maya, so I knew he probably wouldn’t mind. And my older boys surely would understand. So I said, “I know you’d be okay. I’m just not sureI’mokay with it.” It was embarrassing to admit it.
We continued following the trail through the pasture for a moment before Knox’s lips pressed together, and he said, “You know Mom wouldn’t hold it against you, right?”
My throat felt tight thinking of Maya looking down on me. “I know.”
“Then why hold back?” Knox asked. Man, this boy wasn’t giving up.
So I huffed out an embarrassed laugh. “If I told you, it’d sound stupid.”
“Stupider than me calling everyone in my family for a last-minute supper so I could hang out with my hot new neighbor, who just so happens to be going on a date with Bennett Smith tomorrow night?”
I winced. “She’s going out with someone else?”
Knox frowned. “Uh huh.”
“Did you ask her out?”
His frown grew deeper.
After a beat or two, I said, “You know one of the things that got me through losing your mom was knowing I’d see her again in heaven. But how does that work when you fall in love with another woman? The three of us gonna be standing around awkwardly in the clouds with Jesus mediating the whole thing? Your mother would have my head before she shared custody of me.”
Knox let out a surprised laugh. “Maybe Mom’s a freak now. Could have some fun.” He winked.
An image flashed through my mind and embarrassment took over my whole body. Time to trot—I nudged my horse’s sides and loped ahead of Knox.
“What are you doing?” Knox called after me.
“Getting away from you before your mom convinces God to strike us with lightning,” I tossed back over my shoulder, Knox laughing in response.
23
AGGIE
I toppedoff Etta’s glass with Cupcake Wine and then sat beside her on the couch to watchPretty Woman. It was an oldie but a goodie, just like our Friday night tradition at this point.
What started two years ago as a casual hangout to spare Etta from a nonfunctioning AC was now a Friday night ritual I looked forward to every week. That and my horseback rides with Gray. I told Etta that those were my two favorite parts of the week as the opening credits rolled, and she made a face.
“What’s that face for?” I asked, nudging her calf with my foot. She sat on my worn microfiber couch with her feet tucked beneath her while I spread out, leaning against the opposite arm of the sofa.
“I think you need to tell him you’re ready to try for something more,” Etta said, taking a sip of her wine. “It’s clear you’re both in a different place now than you were two years ago.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, a mix of nerves and desire arguing in the pit of my stomach. “It sounds great in theory, until you’re at a wedding and realize he’ll never love you like he loved her.”
Etta’s expression softened. “Of course he won’t love you like her. Because you’re not her. You’ll have differentmemories together, different traditions. Your responsibilities and priorities won’t be the same. It will be totally unique to the two of you.”
She was right; I knew she was right. But still… “What if I’m just her replacement, always second best?” It felt wrong to say, petty, considering she had lost her life. But I knew I could be honest with Etta. And that she’d be honest with me.
With an arch of her eyebrows, she replied, “So the solution is to spend the rest of your life pretending you’re not in love with him?” She pursed her lips. “Doesn’t sound like the brave Agatha I know.”
I scoffed over my wine glass. “Me? Brave? Hardly.” I took a sip, letting the sweet liquid warm my throat.
