Page 46 of Slippers and Thorns
“Yes, I know,” Ella sighed. “And I really should call him that, because I know he wants to be taken seriously. But every time I try, he looks so eager to please that all I can see is a giant Labrador puppy wagging its tail, and if I call him Jacob, I’ll laugh.”
“That would probably be a greater blow to his dignity,” Charlie agreed.
Henry’s chuckle broke through his control. “A giant puppy. It fits. I may never be able to call him Jacob again!”
Ella smiled slightly. Breaking Henry’s composure outside the training yards was a first for her.
“Your Highness.” One of the footmen approached and bowed to her. “The wagon is ready.”
“Thank you,” she replied. He bowed again and returned to the castle while Ella turned to her shadows. “I guess it’s time to collect the rest of the party and head out.”
“I thought you wanted him to rebuff the lady,” Edna stated, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Why are you upset that he did?”
Ella kept her eyes moving as she watched her helpers unload the baskets for district ten. Normally, she would assist with this part, but the need to talk had overridden her desire both to be useful and to avoid anyone else knowing the sting of her humiliation. Therefore, she had drawn Edna to one side where they conversed quietly while the others worked.
“I’m not upset that he sent her away,” Ella growled with frustration. She struggled to find adequate words to explain her emotions on the subject. “Yes, I wanted her gone. Yes, I’m glad that he won’t be hanging around her anymore. But thewayit happened…he didn’t tell her off because he decided it was wrong to be with her. It was because he’d decided he had something better and didn’t want her anymore.”
She crossed her arms and squeezed her biceps. Edna stayed silent, letting Ella work out her thoughts. “It was like I was his favorite toy that he had discarded and replaced with her because I was broken, but then when he decided I wasn’t broken after all, he carelessly discarded her in favor of his favorite toy. And when he tried to kiss me, in the moment I was happy because it was what I wanted, but when she interrupted us, I felt so cheap! He’s ignored me for months. He was stony for most of the meal. Then he suddenly decides he wants something from me while another woman still believessheholds his heart? Rrgh!” she snarled. She took a moment to smooth her expression back out, mindful of the many eyes surrounding her at the moment. “I am not an object to be used for his pleasure,” she finished coldly.
Edna watched the workers and said nothing. A cool breeze blew down the road, twirling a few colorful leaves in its wake and making Ella wish she had grabbed her cloak or a scarf. The weather had been perfect earlier, but now the sun had disappeared behind a cloud, making the air cooler with its lack.
“No words of wisdom this time?” Ella bitterly asked after a few minutes. “No life advice for dealing with a cad?”
Edna roused herself with a sigh. “I’m sorry, dearie. Sorry you have to go through this.” She tucked a strand of white hair that had escaped her bun back behind her ear. “Actions, once done, cannot be undone. And the consequences are not always pleasant.”
“Are you saying it’s my fault?” Ella asked through clenched teeth, though whether more from anger or sorrow, she couldn’t decide.
“There is plenty of blame to go around,” Edna assured her, “and it won’t do anyone any good trying to decide which of you is more to blame or which one of you started it. You deal with the consequences of his actions just as you deal with those of your own. Likewise, your actions have consequences for him, too.”
Ella ground her teeth together and looked down, blinking back tears. “I think I’m done,” she muttered.
“What?”
Ella took a deep breath. “I’m done,” she repeated wearily. “He obviously doesn’t value me as a person, and I don’t think I can change that. And I’m worn out trying.”
Edna stared at her disbelievingly. “You can’t mean that.”
“Why not?” Ella shrugged.
“After all you’ve done to heal your marriage, you would just give up?”
“Why not?” Ella repeated dully. Now that she had worked through her reactions enough to put how Michael had made her feel into words, her anger had faded surprisingly quickly, leaving her drained. She could see it now: he only noticed her when it was convenient to him. His schedule drew him away from her because it was more important to him than she was. When his misperceptions made her undesirable, he avoided her until he was corrected, at which point he wanted to kiss – literally – and make up, as if he was the only one who had been hurt…or maybe, the only one whose pain mattered.
So why did it matter if she tried? And did she even care to?
Edna opened her mouth, then paused and looked out over the workers again. After a minute, she rested a light hand on Ella’s shoulder. “Go home,” she advised. “Rest, and leave it alone until morning. Everything is always clearer after a good night’s sleep.”
“If you say so,” Ella answered without much conviction.
“I do,” Edna confirmed. “It looks like it’s time for you to go – the work has slowed, and those guards of yours are starting to look imperious.”
“Yes, my nannies think I need to join them,” Ella sighed. “Thank you for listening, Edna.”
“It was my pleasure, dearie. Come back anytime.”
CHAPTER 20
Ella
