Page 36 of Crumbling Truth
“Tell me what you need, Esther. Let me give it to you.”
I rested my forehead against his as I caught my breath. He hummed a little as he trailed tiny kisses across my cheekbones and winked at me after one landed at the tip of my nose. A soft sigh slipped past my lips and I shifted just enough to lay my head on his shoulder. Without removing the hand that had snuck under my sweater, Theo wrapped his arms around me and rested his cheek against the top of my head.
“You make me feel like I don’t come with a whole lifetime of baggage,” I mumbled into his throat.
“We all have baggage. Yours is just a bit heavier than others.”
The hand against my lower back began stroking slow lines up and down my spine and, without his dark, perceptive eyes watching my face, I let the emotions slide through me. Hope, uncertainty, anticipation, and underneath it all, an undercurrent of joyful excitement that swept the breath from my lungs.
It might have scared me if I hadn’t been so turned on, so eager for whatever Theo would give me. Everything about this moment felt different from how things had been for me in the past, from the soft adoration in his eyes to the frequent check-ins.
I hadn’t been with a man since Steve, hadn’t trusted anyone with my time or energy in that way, but with Theo, I wanted to.
I sighed and said, “I never thought I’d be able to forget about it, even temporarily, but I feel like I could get lost in you.”
“Is that what you want?” he asked, the words a low rumble against my ear. “To lose yourself?”
After a beat of silence, I shook my head. “I don’t think so. It’s tempting—so, so tempting. But it’s part of me and maybe I need to own it. I lost myself for a long time, in a different, horrible way, and I’m afraid of letting it happen again, even if the method is different.”
Theo’s arms tightened around me before he let go in order to tip my face up to his. “I like who you are, Esther. I won’t let you get lost, not even for my own gain.”
Something inside me cracked, some part of myself that had been hidden away long before Steve finally died. From that tiny fissure, hope bloomed, warm and sweet. I tried to blink back the tears that blossomed alongside it, but one escaped to roll down my cheek. Theo brushed it away with his thumb and kissed my forehead.
“You are unlike any man I’ve ever known,” I said quietly.
“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
I laughed, feeling a sudden lightness that banished every trace of fear or sadness. “Good, because it was meant as one.”
“For what it’s worth,” he said as he cupped the back of my head and drew me close enough to kiss again, “you’re not like any woman I’ve ever known, either.”
Makeout sessions on the couch were never part of my youth, aside from what I saw on television, but Theo had spoken the truth—he really was content to simply kiss me, and kiss me, and kiss me. His hands strayed now and then, coasting up the muscles of my back or sliding along my rib cage, but he always stopped before things progressed too far.
When I wriggled, rocking my pelvis against his, he groaned into my mouth. “Easy, easy,” he whispered. “You’re making this harder.”
“I noticed,” I replied, laughing breathlessly when he growled.
Though his fingers tickled my ribs in retribution, this time he didn’t catch himself before reaching the underside of my breasts. He leaned back, watching the way my eyes fell shut when his palms brushed lightly back and forth over my nipples. They hardened into tight buds against the fabric of my bra.
“This okay?” he asked, his voice ragged at the edges, like he was desperate to see the flesh he was teasing.
My eyes opened, heavy-lidded and dazed. Before I could overthink it, I leaned back, pulled the sweater over my head, and tossed it to the cushions beside us. “Better than okay.”
“Thank fuck.” His gaze went hungry as he drank in the sight.
“I want you to touch me. Please,” I gasped.
He chuckled against my collarbone. “I might die if I don’t.”
Without another word, he rose to his feet, keeping me clasped against him as a laugh bubbled out of me. I was certain we’d both tumble back down the stairs, but before I knew it, we were in the guest bedroom. Anita had transformed it into an oasis of blues and greens, lush textures and thoughtful decorative touches.
My favorite part, by far, was the large bed centered against one wall, its four posts draped with gauzy swaths of fabric. Based on Theo’s expression, it was his favorite now, too.
He carried me to the bed and kept my legs wrapped around his waist as he crawled over to set me down against the mountain of pillows. As though unable to resist another taste, he dropped his head to kiss me again before drawing back to say, “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“My mind is racing. All I know is if you don’t put your hands on me right now, I’m going to explode.”
A soft rush of air swept over my skin when he laughed, but I nudged him backward so I could sit up, unclasp my bra, and fling it to the floor. Theo’s expression went stark, ravenous, and a shiver ran through me at being the focus of that look. When I relaxed back against the pillows again, he threw off his ownshirt, then lowered himself over me and kissed his way down my neck.
