Page 49 of Crumbling Truth
“Do you feel like I’m using you?” she asked quietly. “In a bad way?”
I squeezed her hip with one hand and cupped her cheek with the other. “Not in the least.”
She studied my features for a long time, though I doubted she could see very much, then she dropped her head to kiss my lips—softly, sweetly—before snuggling back down. I tugged the covers up over her bare shoulders and tucked them around us both.
“Good,” she whispered.
“Better than good,” I murmured into her hair. “Now get some sleep.”
Chapter Twenty
Esther
Theowasextremelygoodat many things, not the least of which was the ability to take my mind off both the stress of event preparation and the bizarre messages I’d received. Given the immense relief of living on my own after Steve died, I didn’t like the thought of some stupid jokes making me afraid to be by myself.
Still, Theo’s warm, steady presence was a balm for my soul. And if I was able to lose myself in his arms, well, it served as a welcome distraction from all the rest.
By the time we huddled over the table with toasted waffles on Thanksgiving morning, my entire body was still humming. A tiny flutter of nervous energy had taken up residence in my stomach, though, like my subconscious couldn’t bear to let such joy go unchecked.
“Hey,” Theo said softly, in that tone I’d come to associate with him seeing the occasional flare of panic in my eyes. “Doing okay?”
I puffed out my cheeks. “I’m freaking out a little.”
“Too many orgasms?”
A loud, startled laugh leapt from my throat and I slapped a hand over my mouth in embarrassment. He grinned, squeezing my other hand on the table between us. The nerves dissipated under the warmth of his expression.
“Is this your superpower? Calming me down when I start to freak out?”
He winked. “It might be. Seems like a good skill to have. Are you worried about the phone calls? The event this weekend? Or is this about us?”
“All of the above, maybe? Like I said, it’s been a long time, and I don’t just mean the sex,” I joked weakly.
I’d already recognized Theo was as perceptive as his mother, but it was different with him. Where she tended toward quiet observation, tracking patterns or trends before coming to a conclusion, he seemed to catch every individual nuance of tone or expression. Somehow, that hadn’t stopped me from offering up gems that were sure to attract his attention.
His head tilted curiously as he studied me. “How long had it been, exactly?”
Oh, god. I could feel my cheeks heating, but if I deflected the question now, I was absolutely sure it would come up again, probably when I had less willpower. “Six years.”
Shock flooded his handsome face. “Jesus. When did Steve die?”
I shrugged a little, dropping my gaze to the syrup on my empty plate, and said, “Four years ago.”
“So for two years of your marriage…”
“There were very few things that seemed to be in my control at the time. I couldn’t bear to lose any more of myself.”
“And he accepted that?” Theo’s eyebrows nearly reached his hairline.
“I told him in explicit detail what I would do to him if he didn’t.”
He squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up again. Now that I know you better, I just can’t imagine anyone treating you that way.”
What he meant was he couldn’t imaginemeputting up with that. I could barely imagine it, now that I was out of the situation, but it wasn’t something I explained to anyone other than my therapist.
With Theo, though, I wanted him to understand.
“The first year we were married was…I don’t know, normal. He was attentive, charming. It wasn’t a grand passion or whirlwind romance, but it was fine. Comfortable. During that second year, things changed. He started with the backhanded compliments and subtle digs, and sex became something I tolerated so he’d leave me alone and go to sleep. I felt worse and worse about it until I snapped.”
