Page 77 of Crumbling Truth
Alex sat forward, bracing his arms on the table. “Yes, you did. Hasn’t she been through enough? What the hell have you been thinking, getting involved with her?”
“As you so wisely pointed out, she’s a human being who sure as hell knows her own mind,” I replied, then I hesitated. Maybe patching up my disaster of a relationship with my brother wouldn’t fix anything with Esther, but it felt like the necessary next step. I swallowed hard and said, “I’m in love with her.”
“Shit, man,” Alex muttered.
“You’re telling me,” I replied weakly. “While I was home last week, I talked to my partner about buying out my half of the business.”
His eyes widened. “You’re moving back here?”
I gave a humorless laugh. “I haven’t talked to Esther about any of it yet. If she can’t forgive me, then…I don’t know. I just can’t imagine the rest of my life without her.”
For a long moment, my brother was silent, studying my face like it was the first time he’d seen me. Hell, it practically was—my parents had sent me photos and updates over the years, so I was sure they’d done the same for him, but he’d just been a kid when I left. A sad, broken kid, suffering for a single moment in time that had changed the course of so many lives.
I studied him in return. Of the two of us, he looked like an exact replica of our father.
It hit me in one breathless rush that I’d missed out on seeing my little brother turn into the man sitting before me. At the time, I hadn’t believed I could do anythingbutget as far away from Spruce Hill as possible. Looking back, I realized my path had been the easier route.
Alex had recovered, rebuilt himself despite everyone in town knowing about the worst moments of his life.
I must have stared for too long, because he finally lifted a brow and said, “What? Something on my face?”
“You grew up.” It was a simple statement, but it was true.
Alex scoffed. “You’re the one who became an old man,” he replied, his eyes sparking with that familiar mischief I remembered so clearly from our youth.
“I’m sorry I left.” The words were quiet, but I saw their immediate impact on him.
“You know you’re not the one who needs to apologize,” he countered. “Can you ever forgive me?”
I closed my eyes. Some of the memories had dimmed, but I could still see his face in the flashing lights from the ambulance, his expression of abject horror, the tears streaming down his face. I could hear him screaming at me, fighting to get to Michelle, begging God to take him instead.
When I opened my eyes again, I saw all of it reflected in his own dark gaze. “We were just kids,” I said. “It was an accident. Nothing that happened was your fault.”
“A kid who started throwing punches at the top of the fucking lighthouse in the middle of the night. It might have been an accident, but I was the one who caused it,” he replied, so matter-of-fact that I knew he hadn’t ever forgiven himself.
“I never meant to hurt you,” I croaked. “I didn’t know. If I’d ended it sooner, if I’d just—”
His brows tugged downward. “Wait. You’ve been blaming yourself this whole time? I thought you left because you hated me after that.”
“Jesus, Alex, of course not. It was my fault.”
For a moment, he simply stared at me, looking utterly appalled. “Explain.”
“We’d agreed to break up when I left for school that summer, but I guess I misunderstood her feelings on the subject. She brought me up there to try to convince me to stay with her. If I’d ended things sooner, she’d still be alive.”
“Fuck me,” he whispered. “That’s why you’re so afraid. Why you’re fucking things up with Esther. It’s like a subconscious defense mechanism.”
I blinked at him, wondering how the hell my baby brother had turned into the man sitting in front of me. “How do you know all that after five minutes of conversation?”
“My girlfriend is a social worker. I’ve been in counseling since just after the accident, but Isabelle and I talk a lot about processing things in a healthier way. I came with a lot of baggage, as you can imagine, but I owe it to her to deal with my shit, you know?”
“That’s why you tried to talk this time instead of punching me in the face?” I joked, but my voice broke.
He shook his head at me, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. “I should have talked to you before prom night, and I should never have gone with you to the party. Third-wheeling with my big brother and the girl I was obsessed with? No way.”
“I wish you’d told me you were into her. I wish I’d realized how much you hated me back then.”
At that, Alex shook his head. “I never hated you, Theo. I should have done a lot of things differently before that night, and during, but none of it was on you. I loved you. Still do, you asshole.”
