Page 112 of Hamartia
I haven’t been to the forest house in almost eight months because of our schedule and normally when I am here, it is alone. I prefer it that way. So it will be strange to have another person here. In the rooms that I normally only see myself in.
As I drive, Raphael rests his head back and closes his eyes, strumming some soundless beat on his thigh with his long fingers. He’s wearing a white hoodie underneath a Moncler shacket in brushed wool, a bold check pattern of reds, blues, and white which brings out his eyes and the warm Californian tan of his skin. His eyes are ice blue today. Normally they’re the blue of the ocean but the stark white of the snow and the bright wool transforms them into something frost bitten. When Shiro lets out a small whine he sits up and turns round in his seat to peer through to the back.
“Hey, we’re almost there, buddy,” he says in a soft voice. The kind you might use on a small child. It makes a warm sensation move over my chest. “And then your dad is gonna give you so many treats to reward you. I might give you some too.”
Through the rear-view I see him poke his fingers through the carry case to wiggle them at Shiro, who only whines louder. It makes me smile. Really the best thing to do when transporting cats is to ignore them completely, talking to them only makes them more vocal.
“Did you have pets as a child?”
“A goldfish once,” he says turning back around.
“And how are they as pets?”
“Real quiet.”
I can’t help but laugh before he tells me they did have a dog once, an old one that his mom found injured by the side of the road and who ended up living with them until he died a few years later. They called him Al, for a song about a long lost friend he then starts to sing. It does not sound familiar but his voice is wonderful.
An easy silence settles as he scrolls through his phone, then there’s music playing instead of the low chatter of the radio which he does not understand. I’m not sure what it is, but it is in English. It’s pleasant, warm, and faintly seasonal. I feel his gaze turn to me a moment later and then his hand moves across the center console to settle on my leg. His touch is warm through my jeans, large and solid around the top of my thigh.
“I’m really glad I’m here with you today,” he says with an easy smile.
“You do not know where I am taking you yet.” I laugh and he grins adorably.
“You, know…I don’t actually care.” He sighs. “If you and the little guy are there, then I’m good.”
I want it so much then it almost hurts. This. Raphael. Out and unhidden. I want to take drives with him and wake up with him. I want to exchange gifts on celebration days. I want it almost as much as I wanted the life and the career that now means I cannot have it.
“It has a heated pool?” Raphael exclaims excitedly as we drop our bags by the bed.
Outside the bedroom, the wood deck area leads to the large heated pool where steam lifts off amidst the chilly afternoon air. It’s partially covered, a wooden construction which wraps around and over it and sections off the deck in zones. The hot tub and sauna to the left of the pool, the outdoor dining area and kitchen to the right and then a large sunken seated area.
The house when we opened the door smelled of roasting meat and a homely mix of Christmas spice, and Raphael’s eyes had lit up at the roaring fire and Christmas tree I’d had the company arrange when they did the cleaning—the presents I’d sent ahead wrapped and arranged beneath.
The two men in the kitchen had given us polite hello’s before quickly getting back to work. Everything, they said, would be ready in around an hour. The table was already set and they’d serve up the food and carve the turkey and ham before leaving us alone. I could already tell there was going to be far too much food. Raphael had a big appetite, as did I, but it was a dauntingly large amount for just the two of us. Still, we would try.
Raphael spins round suddenly and pulls me into his arms.
“I’m sure I said let’s do Christmas the Korean way. Now here I am in a house in the snow covered forest, turkey with all the trimmings, a crackling fire, and a Christmas tree.”
He pretends to look cross but it just looks cute. He loosens his hold and dips his head to kiss me. It’s a lick of his tongue first, one that has me parting my lips, and then he moves in deeper, tasting me fully as he makes a soft noise in his throat.
“I can’t believe you did all this for me,” he whispers.
My cheeks feel hot. My ears too.
“I thought we could meet halfway. Have an American–style Christmas in Korea.”
“You’re amazing, do you know that?”
I push at him gently. “Stop it. It is nothing.”
“You gave me Christmas as a Christmas gift. It’s…insane.”
I frown, moving away to lift my suitcase onto the bed. “Oh, this is not your gift. Those we will open after dinner.”
“Are you fucking serious?” His mouth drops open. Then he groans. “Shit, my gifts are fucking terrible. I feel bad.”
Now it is my turn to frown. “I do not believe that. Gifts are a gesture, you coming here to spend the holidays with me is a huge one. There is nothing I need.”
